Finding Freedom in Christ: Letting Go of Who You Used to Be - John 5:1-15 (A Touch From Jesus Series - Part 1)

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Audrey 1:12

Hello friend, welcome back to Grace for My Home, Audrey McCracken, and I'm so glad to be back with you again this week. I hope that you and your family are doing well. We are doing great here in South Carolina. The weather has been crazy. I think last week when I recorded it was in the 70s, got up into the 80s, and then tonight it's going to be freezing. So our weather, you just can't tell. So we're I think it's spring and it looks like spring, but it doesn't feel like spring today. I have been able to get out and start walking again, which is wonderful. That's healing for me. That's healing for my soul. When COVID hit several years ago, there was we couldn't go anywhere, of course. And for my children, that wasn't a big deal because we homeschooled and it wasn't a whole whole lot different for them. We were already homeschooling when the world was was being introduced to homeschool on a large scale. But it was more of a middle drain for me because I knew what was going on outside in the world. I knew everything wasn't the way it had always been. And in order to get out of the house, I would go on walks because I couldn't go anywhere else. So I would go on walks. I couldn't meet a friend for coffee or just say I'm going grocery shopping to get out of the house. None of that. None of those old things worked anymore. So my walks became just a way for me to get out, to pray, to get a little bit of exercise, and they stuck with me. I think before then I had tried to walk for exercise sake, and it is really good exercise, but during that time period, it became like a something I look forward to. It was like a mental break. And so I'm really glad to be starting back with that. Last week I wrapped up a four-part series on praying for your children. And in that series, each week we looked at a different parent in scripture who brought their child to Jesus for him to do something in their life. That child had a need, and that parent believed the Lord to meet that need, and he did. And I just think that's a wonderful example for us, a wonderful way to build our own faith by looking in the scripture and seeing how Jesus responds to a parent's prayer. So if you haven't listened to those, I'd encourage you to go back and listen to that series. This week I'm going to start a new series on reaching out to Jesus for ourselves, for our own needs. And you know, when I became a Christian, I had lots of issues. We I still have lots of issues, but they were different kinds of issues. You know, when I came to the Lord, I knew that I was in need of him. And I'd gotten to a point where I knew I needed help. I just didn't know that he was the help I needed until he opened up my eyes and I saw I need Jesus. You know, only the Holy Spirit can do that. And he did that in me. And as time went on, he brought great healing to my heart. And he, you know, he healed things I didn't even know could ever be healed. He he showed me things I didn't even know were broken, and he healed those. And I when by the time I found my husband and we had children, and I quit my job to be home with them, I had a great desire to homeschool them and to be home with them. And I was able to do that when my oldest was about four or five. By the time I got to that point, I really thought I was doing pretty good, right? I mean, I had dealt with a lot of issues, I had grown in the Lord, I felt pretty stable. But when children come along, they have a wonderful way of revealing things in us that we didn't even know were there. And I remember when my children came along and I found myself at home with three children under the age of four for multiple all day long, all night long, realized that I had an anger issue. Now, if you'd have asked me before children if I had an anger problem, I'd have said, absolutely not. I was very even killed, very easy-going kind of person. No, I don't have an anger problem at all. But I had an anger problem

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and it surfaced when I was around immature people all day long. And no, that's not uh that's not to shame my children. Children are immature, that's the whole nature of children, is they are maturing, and it's our job to help them to become mature people. But they have a way of showing you how in the areas where you're immature, and you know, it was funny because I remember thinking some days, I am the adult here, I have to act like the adult today, and I'm the only one here who can. You know, I don't want to, but I'm the only one in this situation right now who can be the adult. And and so raising my children, in raising my children, the Lord helped to raise me. But I saw a lot of things, I saw a lot, I saw a lot of ugly in me. And that's one of the reasons why when I wrote my first book, Covered in Prayer, 31 Prayers to Cover You and Your Children in God's grace, that I wrote it the way I did. I wrote it so that each alternating day, one day you'd pray for something that your child needs, and then the next day you pray for something similar that you need. And so I wrote that, I wrote it that way because as I raised my children and I started praying for them, I started realizing how much work was left to do in me. And I often felt like a hypocrite because, you know, I would be trying to teach my children who were naturally argumentative and they fought with each other and didn't want to share. And, you know, just being children, I would, I was constantly trying to teach them about self-control and not hitting and not biting. And then I would have outbursts of anger at seemingly minor things. And and I I was the adult. And so there were times when I didn't even feel qualified to teach my children. I didn't even feel like you know I had the the right to do so. But I was the only mom they had who was gonna teach them if it wasn't me. And so in teaching my children, in praying for them, I started praying for me in these areas. And then I felt like at least I'm being honest, right? At least I'm not pretending that I have it all together. The Lord knows I know. And it would give me grace to continue to talk with them about these things where I too needed to grow up and these areas where I too needed help. And it helped me to have grace with them. You know, when you are honest about your own issues and you realize that you are far from perfect, it helps you not just with your children, but just life in general. It helps you to have grace with other people. And so that's why I wrote covered in prayer that way. If you're interested in that book, I will put a link in the show notes. But that book came out of prayers that that book came out of that time when really wanted to hide a lot of the issues that were in my heart, but there's nowhere to hide when a four-year-old is having a tantrum and it's bringing up things inside of you that you wish weren't there. There's just nowhere to hide anymore. All you can do is take it to the Lord and say, God, this is this is me. You see me, and I need your help. And so that's why this week I want to pivot and talk about bringing yourself to the Lord and going to the Lord for the things, the issues, the things that are that are that you know inside of you need prayer. And I hope that it'll do the same thing. It'll build your faith that Jesus cares, that he knows that he cares, and that he is not gonna shame you when you bring your issues to him. He is going to help you. And he helped me. And that's just one example. You know, the anger issue, the self-control issue, that's just one area where God helped me. But there are many, many more. And, you know, he wants us to be the real deal. God doesn't want to just throw a coat of paint on us and call us Christians, and you know, we look good on the outside, but we're the same person we were on the inside. He wants to change us from the inside out. He wants us to be the real deal, you know, and and I wanted to be the real deal. I still do. But I I think sometimes we we think we're more mature, we think we've got we've gone further and walked closer. We think we've matured further in the kingdom than we actually have. And then things come by and it shows us just what we're made of, you know. And and he doesn't do that to to discourage us, he does that because if we don't know the truth, then we can't deal with the truth. You know, if we don't know where our position actually is and we think we're further down the road than we are, then we're just fooling ourselves. And he wants us to be real, he wants us to actually become the things that he's called us to become. He wants us to be those things, to be full of joy and love and patience and kindness and gentleness. He wants us to display self-control. So we're not just talking about those things, we're actually living those things out in real life. Because that guys, that's where the power really is. And the power of the gospel is seen in your life through the transformation that Christ brings when he comes into your life. A changed life is a sign that the Holy Spirit is working and living and having his way in your life. And so this week I want to talk with you about a man who needed Jesus. And it's found his story is found, we're not told his name, but his story is found in the Gospel of John, chapter five, starting in verse one, and I'll read it to you. After these things there was a feast of the Jews, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. Now there in there is in Jerusalem by the sheep gate, a pool, which is called in Hebrew Bethesda, having five porticos. In these lay a multitude of those who were sick, blind, lame, withered, waiting for the moving of the waters, for an angel of the Lord went down at certain seasons into the pool and stirred up the water. Whoever then first, after the stirring of the water, stepped in, was made well from whatever disease with which he was afflicted. A man was there who had been ill for thirty eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been a long time in that condition, he said to him, Do you wish to get well? The sick man answered him, Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, but while I am coming another steps down before me. Jesus said to him, Get up, pick up your mat, and walk. Immediately the man became well, and he picked up his mat and began to walk. Now it was the Sabbath on that day, so the Jews were saying to that man who was cured, it is the Sabbath, and it is not permissible that you carry your mat. But he answered them, and he said, He who made me well was the one who said to me, Pick up your mat and walk. And they asked him, Who is this man who said to you, Pick up your mat and walk? But the man who was healed did not know who it was, for Jesus had slipped away while there was a crowd in that place. So here's a man who needed Jesus. He needed a miracle. We don't know much about him except for for thirty eight years he has been crippled, he's been lame. We don't know how old he was when he became this way. We don't know if he even remembers a time when he could walk. We just know that he has been this way for almost four decades. And one day Jesus walks into his life, and Jesus asks him what could seem like a strange question. Do you wish to get well? Well, isn't that an obvious uh question? I mean, isn't that the obvious answer? Yes. I haven't walked in almost 40 years. Yes, I want to get well. But Jesus knew what he was doing. See, when we've been a certain way for a long time, we start thinking, that's just who we are. It's part of our identity. That's just who I am. And change means taking on a new identity. And so he's asking this man, are you sure you want this? This is gonna change your life. This is gonna be you're you're not even gonna know who you are anymore. This is gonna be completely different. Are you ready for this change? And this man, what does he do? He gives Jesus all the excuses that has kept him in that place, that place of helplessness for 38 years. I don't have anybody to help me, Lord. Nobody. Everybody else has somebody to help them. Everybody else can get into the pool, but not me. I can't I can't get there, Lord. And Jesus didn't ask him that. Jesus asked him, Do you want to be healed? Do you want to be well? And then Jesus bypasses the pool. He doesn't do it the way he thought he would. You know, he this man, his whole hope was in getting down there to that pool when the water stirred up. That's where his hope was. You know, his hope wasn't in God, it was in that pool. So because he couldn't, because he couldn't get there fast enough, he was hopeless. But Jesus bypasses all of that and he says, get up, pick up your mat and walk. Jesus instantly heals the man. But the man has to do something. He has to get up, he has to take his mat, and he has to walk. He has to walk out of his situation. It's that simple. It's that simple. Well he didn't say, but Jesus, I can't get up and walk. I can't get up and walk. I mean, if I could do that, I wouldn't be sitting here for 38 years. But see, it's different when Jesus says do it. Whatever Jesus tells us to do, he gives us the ability to do it. When we decide in our heart that we're going to obey Jesus, his supernatural power gives us the ability to do his will, to do his word, to obey him. You know, it might be things that we've tried to do all our life and we kept falling and falling and struggling. And after a while, you just you give up. You just think, I'm never gonna do this, I'm never gonna get it. See, this time is different because Jesus said, get up and walk. Jesus instantly healed this man and he told him, Go do what you've not been able to do. I'm giving you the power to do it. And take your mat with you. Get your stuff together and walk out of this situation. But Jesus, but Jesus, nope, Jesus said do it. He gives you the ability, the power to do it. When I was struggling with issues on anger, there were days that I would repent repeatedly. I would repent, I would apologize to my children, to my husband, whoever else I had hurt or offended, would feel like a horrible, rotten, stinking person, mama. And I would determine in my heart that the next day I was going to be different, the next day I was going to be better, and I would fall again. Because the truth is I was walking in my own strength. I was determined in my own ability to be better, do better. Let me say something here. I I believe in self-help. I do. If you listen to a lot of Christian podcasts or read a lot of Christian blogs or articles, people often say that self-help is not from God. And I believe that we have to do things, some things for ourselves. I believe that faith without works is dead. To wait on God to do everything and not get up and do what He said do, I think that's futile. But I think to get up and try to do what God's called you to do without his strength, without his help, that's futile as well. I believe that there's a difference between self-help and self-reliance. And God wants us to walk with him, he wants us to lean on him, and he gives us the power to do the things that we cannot do on our own. That is the power of the Holy Spirit living inside of us. And often we have to fall and fall and fall and fall before we realize I need help doing this. And the the the wisdom is don't give up before you try with Jesus. And see, I had gotten to the point in my issues with anger that I thought, I'm on, I'm gonna always be this way. This is who I am. You know, I want I it's hard to get help when you don't want to admit you have a problem. And when you have a problem like that, you want to hide it because you're embarrassed because I was homeschool mom, pastor's wife, Bible teacher. And you know, people would say, I tried to share with a few people and they'd say things like, Oh, we all get upset, you know, we all have our days. And I'm like, No, no, it's not a day, it's it's not a week, it's not a month, it's a problem. And you know, you you I struggled, you know, I struggled with, you know, to the point that I was wondering, is this just the way it is? Am I always gonna struggle here? And the Lord, He is gracious and compassionate. One of the breakthroughs I had during that season was we had a young girl who had come from Germany. Her parents were friends with someone we knew, and she was gonna stay with us for about two months during one summer. And I really, to be honest with you, I did not, I didn't want somebody else here in the house trying to raise three children, trying to homeschool them. I had some physical issues at that time in my body, and of course, I'm I'm having issues with anger, and I didn't want somebody to see that. I didn't want to bring somebody into that. But during that time, I remember the Lord preparing me and he shared with me, he brought me to that scripture. He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. And that became my motto. Every time I felt myself, you know, about to get angry, I would read and quote that psalm. He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, quick to love. He has compassion on all that he has made. And I would see, I would remind myself, I would renew my mind that that's how God sees me. He is gracious and compassionate with me. He's not angry at me at all. And he is slow to anger and he is rich in love. And if he treats me that way through all my messes, I can treat my children that way. I can be gracious and compassionate with them. I can be slow to anger with them. And guys, I talk about this more. I have a whole podcast episode about my issues with anger and and that season. But now when I look back, I see so many things I didn't see. You know, number one, I I had I had determined I was going to do everything perfect. I was gonna do everything, and I was gonna do it all perfect. And I was not good to my body. I'd always pushed my body to the limit, and it always worked for me. But it had gotten to the point that it just was putting on the brakes and saying, no, we're I can't continue doing this. And I was just determined that if I just tried harder or I stayed up a little bit later, or I had another cup of coffee, I could rule the world, I could get it all done. And my body was putting on the brakes and saying, nope, we're not doing that anymore. And then I had issues from the past I hadn't dealt with. And guys, when when I went into a rage, like a panic, it was almost like a panic attack when I'd go into this pan, this rage, it gave me a surge of adrenaline. And I really think now when I look back, and I didn't know this at the time, I think I had become addicted to that surge of energy because I was so tired, I was so worn out that that. That gave me the energy I needed to do what was before me. And otherwise I was just I had I was just done for. I was so tired. And it it gave it gave me this surge of like I can do this. But then afterwards, it was horrible because I had to go through and pick up the pieces of broken relationships that I had just you know thrown all over the place and little hearts that I had just crushed. And guys, I'm really bearing my soul to you this week, but these things, they that's where we live. That's where I live. And when I had determined, I'd always been able to do most things that I determined to do. And when I had determined I was going to be better, and I kept failing, and I kept failing, it was just this cycle of this is who I am. And then as the Lord started showing me the scriptures to pray over myself and how to renew my mind, it became more of we're doing this together. Okay. He's not up there mad looking down on me, saying, when is she going to get her stuff together? He is saying, Audrey, I know you can't do this. I see the big picture. Try this. And so we were, he started, I started seeing us as doing this together. And see, that's not self-reliance. That's us working together. That's Jesus saying, take up your mat and walk. Well, God, if I could do that, I'd have done that a long time ago. But this time I'm helping you. This time I'm giving you grace to do it. This time I'm empowering you to get up, do what you couldn't do before, take up your mat, get your stuff together, and walk out of this. Just walk out, Audrey. And you know, I'm not going to say I didn't fail multiple, multiple times after he started showing me and he started helping me, but it became less and less. And each time was I was better. Like I caught myself quicker. I had grace with myself. I forgave myself. I learned my triggers. I learned the things that, you know, I can't stay up all night and do this. I can't stay up all night. And then tomorrow function. You know, I can't do it because I love my children and I don't want to exploit on them. And I want to really be the person that I'm telling them to be. I want to be that person, even imperfectly. I want to be going towards it. And so I see that in this story. You know, here's a man who has identified for 38 years as being unable to walk, depending on other people. You know, he in his mind, this is never going to change because I'm never going to have anybody who is going to pick me up and get me to that water on time. You know, even if I did, I'm not going to be able to get there as fast as somebody who has two good legs. And, you know, I'm just, this is me. I'm just doomed. I'm just, this is my fate. And then one day Jesus comes by and he says, Don't worry about that. Put your eyes on me. Let's bypass the pool. You know, just put your eyes on me. And and Jesus says, get up and do it. And he gets up and he can do it. He can do what he couldn't do for 38 years. And yes, Jesus said, Are you sure you want this? Because it's going to change everything. Okay, people are going to look at you different. You're not going to know who you are anymore. You're going to have to learn who you are all over again because you're no longer going to be that person. You're going to be a new person. And guys, it starts with identity. It starts with identity. See, for me, there was a shift in I am no longer going to be an angry, upset, tired, run-down mom. By the grace of the Lord, I'm going to be a good mom. And I'm not going to be a good mom in my own strength. And I'm not going to be able to, I'm not going to go around and say, hey, look at me. I'm such a good mom. Because I know it's not me. I know it's Jesus. I know I can fall tonight. I know I can mess up in at the snap of a finger. I know that I'm not perfect. But I'm going to be good enough for my children by the grace of the Lord. So much so that when they're older, they're going to remember that mama instead of the other mama. And it's not about how great I am. It's about how great he is. Because he's the one who gives us the power. It's not self-reliance. It's God reliance. But I have to play my part. I have to get up. I have to try again. I have to pick up my mat. I have to walk out. I have to walk out of this identity that I have told myself this is who I am. I have to walk out of that identity and say, Jesus, I'll be whoever you called me to be. Let me be the mama. Let me be the person. Let me be the wife. Let me be the woman that you call me to be. Let me take on a new identity in Christ. And guys, that's where it starts. When we can switch around and say, I'm no longer that person. I am a new person in Christ. And He backs us up, He shows us the way out. We might continue to fall, but we get back up and we keep walking until we walk out of the whole place. And you notice that the Pharisees didn't like it. See, when you start becoming who God called you to be, when you start walking in another place, there are people who aren't going to like it. Because when you change, the dynamic between you and them change. Sometimes it makes them have to come to grips with their own issues, and they'd rather not. And sometimes there's just jealousy there. And sometimes they're just that they don't like the new you. They'd rather you let's just keep things the way it is. And when you get up and you change and things start happening in your life, and Jesus starts moving things around in your heart and you don't respond in the same way, then you can't be manipulated as quickly and easily. They don't understand what's happening in you. They don't know this person. But you can't let that keep you from taking up your mat and walking. So I I don't I don't know what your need is today. I don't know what area you need Jesus to help you in. But I will tell you that He is able and more than willing to help you to do what you kept trying and trying to do, and you know you should be able to do, but you can't figure out how to do it. He is more than willing to help you, to show you the way, to give you the support, to give you the supernatural strength, and along the way to give you the grace when you fall to get back up and keep going and to completely change who you see yourself as. Guys, I am not the same person I was when I became a Christian. And I'm not the same person I was when I became a mom. Guys, I'm not the same person I was last year this time. We are being changed into the image of Christ, and we can't do that without him. And we can't do that in our own strength. But we can be changed when we lean on him, believe him, obey him, and take up our mat and walk. Walk out of this situation, walk out of these circumstances, walk away from this past identity that is trying to hold you back. God has good plans for you. He has good things for you. He just needs you to believe it. He needs you to believe it. Amen. I hope that this message has resonated with you today and has encouraged you to believe for more, to do the things God's called you to do, to give yourself another chance. And if it has been a blessing to you, if this message has been an encouragement for you, I ask you to share it with a friend. Surely there is someone in your life who you see struggling, you know is going through something that is bigger than they are, and they just need a word of encouragement to say Jesus is going to help you. Jesus cares. If you know someone today who could use that kind of encouragement, would you please share this podcast episode with them? And if this has been an encouragement to you, could you let me know? Because that that helps me keep going. You know, when I know that that the messages that I'm sharing are what you need, then that helps me to continue doing it. And before you go, let's pray. Lord Jesus, Lord, we're not playing a game with you. You know us inside and out. And Lord, you love us even through our nasty, nasty attitudes. And you care about us more than we care about ourselves. And God, as you have worked in the lives of those we've prayed for, Lord, our children, I ask you to do a work in us too. Because you we're your children and you care about us. And God, I pray that you would change us from the inside out. That Lord, we would have a new hope today. Lord, where where we've been hopeless, where it just feels like, you know, I try and I try and I fall and I fall, and I don't want to get back up because I'm tired and I don't want to get hurt again when I fall. Lord, I pray that there would be a newness, a new hope, a new faith, and a new obedience to stand up and to walk, to stand up, to take up our mat and walk out of this situation. Lord, I just thank you for wisdom. I thank you for the Holy Spirit doing a work in us. And I thank you, Lord God, that we belong to you. You are ours, and we are yours. And Lord, we love you. And the banner over us is love. And we give you praise, Lord, in Jesus' name. Amen.