Character Building Starts With Us

We can't effectively train our children in areas where we've not allowed the Holy Spirit to work in us first.  The key to helping our children develop godly character is to first become the kind of person we want them to be.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Character Development in Parenting
• 5:36 Character Development and Parenting
• 13:18 Developing Character and Parenting Skills
• 28:49 Praying for Faith and Blessings

Transcript

Audrey: 1:13

Hello friends, welcome back to Grace for my home. Merry Christmas. I hope that you're already and set and prepared for a wonderful Christmas. We're excited about it. I hate to say prepared, but it's gonna come whether we're prepared or not, so we might as well enjoy it, right? So, yes, we are looking forward to it, looking forward to taking some time and just enjoying my boys. Yesterday was their last day of school and so now today they're home with me and they've actually been helping my mother rake her yard her yards, I should say my mom has a lot of yards and so they've been helping her do that, because they can't stay still. They want to be on the go, they want to be on the move all the time. I guess that's just how it is with teenagers, but I'm excited to be back here with you guys again this week. I know this will be the last time I speak with you until after the Christmas holiday, so I just wish you a very Merry Christmas and I hope that you have a wonderful holiday and can enjoy your family and your friends.

Audrey: 2:27

And today I wanted to talk with you about something that's been moaling around in my mind, and I think that it's something that we moms have to deal with, whether we want to or not, and it's about character development, and a lot of times, as a mom, it feels like we're more into behavior modification, but the root of it is, or should be, character development, and what I mean by that. It seems like, as a mom, we are constantly trying to herd cats, we are constantly trying to get our kids to do what we ask them to do, to clean up after themselves, to obey us quickly and cheerfully, and that just seems like an impossible task. On many, many days, and I know it, and as a young mom, I would get so frustrated at my children when they did not behave the way that I thought they should and especially when they did not behave the way that I thought I had taught them to behave. See, I thought they knew better, and I found myself saying the same things over and over and over, and usually by the 10th time I said them, I didn't say them very nicely, and so this area has special meaning to me, because it's an area that I often felt like I was falling in, and that is the area of developing character in my children, and I realized something early on, and I know that it was the Lord that helped me see this that it really does start with character development and not behavior modification. And what I mean is so many times we're so focused in on the things that our kids are doing and they're not doing the things that we want them to do, or either they're doing the things we don't want them to do and, as good moms, we want to teach our children right and wrong. We want to teach them how to behave in public and in private. We want to give them good manners so that they can go out into the world and be successful, and we feel and know that that's our responsibility as moms. To do that. That's a gift that we give them. And sometimes we can be so focused in on the behavior, on the what, that we do not take time to concentrate on the character, which is the why. See these little ones, they're learning more than just what to do. They're becoming men and women, hopefully men and women of character.

Audrey: 5:37

And when I started concentrating more on the heart, then the behavior followed. Now, it did not follow magically. It wasn't a magic formula that I did. It wasn't a magic formula that I just did the right thing and poof, I got the right answer, I got the right behavior, but the ship turned. If you have a huge ship at sea, if you have a cruise ship, you don't just whip the ship around, you don't just turn the wheel and then the ship is pointed in the right direction. It takes time, but first you got to know what direction you want to go in and then you got to set your course. And when you start turning that wheel even if it feels like this has taken forever if you have faith in the process and you know what direction you want to go in and you start going in that direction, then with time and patience you will move that ship. And that's what character development is like. It is a lifetime. Character development will be their entire life and it is our entire life.

Audrey: 6:46

I say this to people and I don't really think they believe me. I've said this to many people. When I come home with my children and I started trying to teach them the principles of the Bible and the principles of God and how God wants us to behave, god did a deep work in me and at the time I thought is it really supposed to be this hard? I thought I must be doing this completely wrong, because as I started teaching my children, the Lord started putting his finger on my heart and I just thought it's not supposed to be this hard, is it? See, I would start teaching my children about forgiveness because the Bible says forgive, and people would pop up that, either from my past or from my present, that I had to forgive.

Audrey: 7:42

I had to work through some things, and those things didn't start popping up until I started talking to my children about them, because, see, we can't teach them, we can't really teach them until we are the person that we're trying to convince them to be. See, if we have this attitude of well, these are just children and they'll do what I say or I'll teach them the right way, but we're not walking in that way, then our words have no meaning, they have no backing, they're empty. But when we're walking in these things, when we are becoming the people that we want our children to be and that we're teaching them to be, then our words take on new meaning to them, because it's not just words, it's also an example, and it comes from inside of us. It's who we are, it's not just what we say. See, we want our children to be the same way. We don't want them to just do the thing. We want them to be the people, to be the people of God. This is deep, isn't it? Just tell me what to do. I'll just tell me one, two, three. Do this, and then your children will act well in public. I can't, because I don't know the one, two and three. I know that for me it was a whole course in character development for myself, so that I would have the authority and I would have the understanding to teach that to my children and to walk with them as we all grew in maturity.

Audrey: 9:30

I want to read to you from Philippians, chapter 2, verse 13. It says For it is God who works in you, both to will and to do according to his good pleasure. When we become born again, when we are, as Jesus says in John, born again by the Spirit, then the Holy Spirit comes to reside inside of us, and when he comes to live in us, he gets to work, he starts working on us, he starts working on our heart, he works on our mind, he works on our mouth and he brings conviction. And what he's doing is he's making us like Christ. He's making us, he's conforming us into the image of Christ and that's work and it hits us where we live, because we are no longer our own. We belong to him. We've been redeemed by the blood of the Lamb and we belong to Christ and he wants us to be like him. He wants us to be like Christ and we have lived however long we've lived, doing our own thing, saying what we want to say, going to places we want to go. And now, when we become Christ, many, many of those things have to change and a lot of the outward things can change quickly, but the work that he starts doing inside of our hearts many times that is a lifetime process and I feel that to be true.

Audrey: 11:09

In my life and you know, he was always working on me, but something happened when I had kids that it accelerated the process, maybe because I was more aware, maybe because I was trying to get them to do and be things that I was not, and I didn't even realize it until I started seeing them behave like me. And so this scripture Philippians 2, 13, it says God is doing it. He's working in me, not just to be able to do the things he's asked of me, but to want to do the things he's asked of us. See, I can't even want to do the right things. You can't, outside of God, even want to do the right things. You know, before I became a Christian, I mean I didn't want to be a good person. You know, everybody, I think, wants to think of themselves as a good person. But most of that was just because I wanted people to think well of me, not because I wanted to please God. But when he come and lived inside of me and he became my father, then he worked in my heart to want to please him, even if the world wasn't pleased with me. I had a desire, and still have a desire, for my father to be pleased with me, and so I want to do the things that please him. But it starts with the wheel. You know. He works on my wheel so that I can do the things he's asked of me with a good heart, with the right attitude, with joy. And it's very similar with our children A lot of times. We want them to do the right things, but the question isn't, you know, are they going to do the right things? Are they going to be the right people? And when I was able to get my mind not so much on all of the right things but on the right on. What does it mean to be the right person? Then it helped us. It helped our relationship.

Audrey: 13:19

Now I remember taking my kids to not our church but another church for vacation Bible school, and we homeschooled and anybody who homeschools is going to understand this. When you homeschool and your kids are not around other kids, sometimes it's stress. Stress sometimes that stressful for homeschool mom because our kids have not been in many situations where there are a lot of other kids and there's a lot of stimulation going on. And so I remember taking my kids to this vacation Bible school with this other church that didn't know us, my kids didn't know these kids. And I was nervous, and with good reason, because I had a very hyper son, very hyper, and he would get so excited that sometimes he would do things that would annoy other kids. And so I remember them.

Audrey: 14:16

He was out there playing, playing basketball with a group of boys that were his age and some of them a little older, and I saw it unfolding and I thought it just I wanted to go out there and make it right, but I couldn't, and I remember thinking this is going to be hard for him because he's going to experience some rejection here and I can't fix this. I have to let this play out. And as I was coming home that night and talking with him about it and you know he really was, he took it a lot better than I did. But as I was coming home that night, it was like the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and started dealing with me and saying Audrey, why did that upset you? Oh, because I love my kids, oh, because I want things to go well for them.

Audrey: 15:14

And it was like no, you were worried about your reputation. You were worried about what the other moms thought about your parenting skills, and so that is why this was so hard for you. And I thought, lord, you're being hard on me. I thought every mom worries, right, every mom deals with these things, especially a homeschool mom. And he started showing me I'm not worried about your son. I know he's on the right track. He learned a lot tonight. He's going to be fine. But you have to trust me and you have to trust that, even if people judge you, you are going to do what's right by your son and you're not going to get angry at him when he doesn't behave well and embarrasses you. It's not about you, and I wish I could say that after that night. I never worried about what other people thought about my parenting skills. But it's not true. I still did. I still do sometimes. But at least realizing that sometimes, that's what my motivation is. That's where my worry is coming from, not from really how my son is going to take this, but how are people going to look at me and judge me? That helped me sometimes to stop and say is this really an issue or is it just, I'm afraid, what people are thinking about me.

Audrey: 16:41

And so I say all that to say God will deal with us and our character issues first, so that we can help our children with their character issues and see when we have the right character. Character is the you that nobody sees. It's the you that is you when nobody else is around. You know when other people are around. A lot of times we can put on the right face. We can do the right things. We know as adults, usually we know what is socially acceptable and so we can fit that mold. But character is who we are when no one else is around, it's when we do the right thing, because it's the right thing. It's when we are the person we're pretending or we want other people to think we are. It's called integrity and God wants us to be men and women of integrity.

Audrey: 17:36

And there are areas where all of us struggle and I think it's important for you to hear that, because sometimes I thought I was the only one who had these issues and when God started dealing with me about them, I was ashamed. And now, when I see these areas where maybe people don't know that I struggle here, or people, or I'm embarrassed to let people see me struggle here, now I know I can run to my father because he already knows and he still loves me, and I can say, lord, I'm struggling in this area and I really need your help. And as I learned to lean on him and he is making me into the person that he created me to be, he is developing my character. As I let him work in me, then I have more compassion to help my children become the people they are created to be, because God wants them to be men and women of character too. But we have to. It starts with us. You impart to your children who you are. You've probably heard the saying do as I say and not as I do. Well, that doesn't mean anything to children. They learn by copying, they learn by mimicking you, and so we have to become the people that we want them to be.

Audrey: 18:58

But the first step with character development is the want to. You know, it's not the what to do, it's why am I doing it? God is working in us to wheel and to do according to his good pleasure. See, before I was a Christian, I didn't have the want to. When the Holy Spirit comes in, he brings us the want to know why do the right things, guys? Why? Why do we do the right thing? Why be a woman of character? It's so much easier not to be right, it's so much easier to take the easy road. But when the Holy Spirit lives in us and starts working in us to be the new creature that he has created us to be, then we're not satisfied with the old and we, as we allow him to have his way in us, as we allow him to change us, then there is a joy that it brings in the parable of the talents, and I'm not going to go through the whole parable.

Audrey: 20:10

I think most people who are listening today know the main story, but in the story of the parable of the talents, there were three workers that the master left an income with before he left. He gave them each according to their ability. The word says and the first two they took what the master gave them and invested it and it grew. So when he got back he had more. The last one he buried it and he was rebuked for that. But the first two.

Audrey: 20:48

I think it's interesting. When the master comes back, he says to them, when he sees what they've done and they've been faithful in what he gave them. Well done, my good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your master. And there is a joy when we are obedient to Christ. There is a joy that the world cannot say and does not understand, when we please our father, and it's not about getting what we want, it's about knowing that we've been faithful in what he's given us. And so we have now this relationship with God and we are his children. This is a real relationship. It's more real than any relationship with any person on this earth. We are in relationship with God, we are his children, born of the Spirit, and so when we do things to please him.

Audrey: 21:53

There is a joy in our hearts, even if they're hard things and these. This isn't a joy that you can explain to someone who doesn't know Christ, because to them, why bother, you know? Why do the hard things? Do what makes you happy, you know. Go and get what you want. But we live by another set of rules. Our Motivation is what pleases the father. Jesus said I didn't come to please myself, I come to please the father. I Didn't come to be served but to serve and to give my life as a ransom for many.

Audrey: 22:29

And so when we're in Christ, we think different than the world. The joy that we experience, the joy that that we get, is a lot deeper than the temporary joy that this world has to offer or that it that it knows about doesn't even understand this kind of joy. And so, as we become More and more like Christ, there's so much freedom, you know we're free from the things that weigh us down. There's a freedom and being able to to obey our father, and, and he gives us the ability to do that. You know, we can't even serve Christ without his help. We can't please him without the Holy Spirit's help, because it's in him that's working in us to will and do according to his good pleasure. And as we're walking with our father and we're getting closer to our father, then he is doing that work inside of us and we can experience the joy of the Lord, the joy of serving him, and it makes our jobs of training our children so much easier.

Audrey: 23:35

Now, next week, I'm going to talk about training our children, but this week I just want to concentrate on Training ourselves, of submitting ourselves to the work of the Holy Spirit to become women, men of character. We need to be the people that we're trying to train them to be. What a wonderful gift we've been given the precious Holy Spirit living inside of us, changing us from glory to glory, making us into the people that God created us to be. We are so, so, very blessed that he gives us that desire and he gives us that ability to carry it out, and without him we can't even want what's right. We can't even, we can't even know what right is. You know, I'm very thankful for the men and the women that God has put in my life as a young Christian. He put people in my life to show me the way. He put mature Christians in my life who had a prayer life, who studied the word, who did things for the Lord, and I wanted to be like them. So he gave me examples to follow and I'm so thankful for that. But nothing can replace the work of the Holy Spirit that he does in a heart, that he does in a mind. He takes those examples and helps us to make the necessary changes and commitments in our lives to become, in our own Life, man and women of God.

Audrey: 25:18

2. And that is how faith is transferred from one generation to the next generation. 2. In 2, timothy 2.

Audrey: 25:28

Paul is talking to Timothy and he tells him 3. Serving. In verse 1 he says you, therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus, the things which you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, and trust these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also. So he is telling Timothy these things that you have learned from me, that have helped you in the faith, you teach them to others and then they will teach them to others, and that is how we pass on our faith, and it is the same with us moms. The things God teaches us we will teach our children and one day they will teach their children and then they will teach their children, and that is how we pass on faith is from one generation to the next by teaching our children the things God has taught us through others, and it is all by the power of the Holy Spirit. You know, I am so thankful for the men and women who taught me how to walk with God, but in the end, it was the Holy Spirit doing his work, because I don't know if you have ever been disappointed in someone who you had great admiration for, but I have.

Audrey: 26:54

There are men and women who I looked up to, especially as a young Christian, and I just thought they were perfect. They just loved Jesus and they just were close to God. And the Lord allowed me to see things. You know, the closer you get to people, the more you see the bumps, the more you see the warts on their nose. And he allowed me to get closer to those people who I put up on a pedestal and I got to see that they had issues too, they had faults too, and at first that was very discouraging to me because I thought, oh, I thought these people had it all together.

Audrey: 27:38

And then the Lord started showing me. I am showing you this so you won't put your trust in man and you will put your trust in me. Man will let you down. They don't mean to let you down. Just like you let other people down, you don't mean to let people down. You are going to let your children down. You are going to do things and look back and think, oh, if I could just take that away, if I could just undo what I just did.

Audrey: 28:00

And you can't but see, god can use that, even in their lives, to show them we are mere men, we are mere women, we are in the process, but God is perfect and he won't let them down, and then their faith can rest in Him. It is all the work of the Holy Spirit, even when he uses us, even when he uses other people, and that is how they are going to have faith. That is because you are going to teach them, as God is teaching you, and they are going to teach their children. And that is my prayer. That is my prayer for me and my children, that is my prayer for you and your children. And I believe that it is God's design and it is powerful because no man came up with it. And before we go today, I want to pray for you, father. I thank you for my sisters that are listening today.

Audrey: 28:50

I pray, lord, for faith in their hearts that they would see this, that they would see that they are in the process but they don't have to wait until they are perfect to start teaching their children, and that, as you deal in their hearts, they have more of an authority to be able to deal with their children and their hearts.

Audrey: 29:12

That, lord, as you teach them, they have more confidence and grace and wisdom to teach their children. And, god, I pray for generational blessing. That, lord, they would be able to pass their faith on to the next generation. And, lord, that there would be a fire, lord, that is lit, that would go to the next generation. And, lord, I thank you that it is not our plan, it is your plan. It is not by might, it is not by power, it is by your spirit and we thank you for it, lord, and we just say yes, we submit to the plan, we submit to the process that you have set up. We are tightest to women, we are teaching others, because somebody taught us and I just pray, god that that fire would continue to burn in our hearts and our minds and glory to God. We love you, lord, and I pray Lord just for blessed Christmas and Lord peace and your continued blessing In Jesus name amen.