Grace for My Home | Christian Women, Growing in Faith, Spirit-Led, Hearing from God, Sowing Truth

Five Things Your Husband Needs From You

• Audrey McCracken | Mom Encourager • Season 4 • Episode 119

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Audrey:

Hello friends, welcome back to Grace for my Home. I'm so glad you've joined me here again this week and I hope that you're doing well. We are doing great. Soccer season has started up, so we're pretty busy. That's the fun part of working at a coffee shop is coming up with drink ideas and finding out what people like and those kind of things. That's the fun part.

Audrey:

Today we're finishing up on our series on marriage and this week I want to share with you five things that your husband needs from you. You know, marriage is good. Marriage is good because God created it and he knows what we need In marriage. God gives us a partner, he gives us a friend, he gives us somebody to do life with. It's a precious gift, but any person who's ever been married knows that it's not easy. The Bible says when a man and a woman come together in marriage that they become one, and becoming one is not easy. We both have a sinful nature, we both have a past, we both have issues, we have hurts, we have things we're trying to deal with and, at the same time, trying to come together and raise a family, trying to love each other, meet each other's needs. It's not easy, and so the things I'm going to share with you today, I want to just go ahead and say it out the gate.

Audrey:

I understand this is one-sided. I'm sharing with you today the things your husband needs from you, and something the Lord dealt with me early in my marriage is that I can't change my husband. No matter how much I want to, no matter how much I try, no matter what techniques I use, I cannot change him. I can pray for him and I can ask the Lord to deal with his heart in the areas where he needs to change, but God does not give me the ability or the power to change him. And when I try, I'm frustrated and he's frustrated. But I also found out that I do have influence. There are things that I can do in my marriage that help, that make things go better, that make things go smoother, that restores the goodwill between me and my husband, that kind of relieves tension and makes the atmosphere of our home better.

Audrey:

Now, that doesn't mean it's all up to me. He has his own part to play, but I can't play that part for him. So what I'm sharing with you today are things that you can do. I'm not saying that these five things completely alleviate his responsibility. I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying this is what you can do, this is what I can do, this is what we can do. You know, your marriage is not just between you and your husband. It's between you and your husband and the Lord. And so today, as I offer these to you, I just want to be very frank up front. I don't give you this as in you know, everything rests on your shoulders, but you do have a part to play, and so my prayer is that these would give you ideas, would give you hope, would give you, you know, an understanding that you know we can't do our husband's part, but we can do our part when it comes to making our marriage strong.

Audrey:

The first thing that your husband needs from you in marriage is your prayers. Now, he may not ask you to pray for him, but trust me, he needs it. We have an enemy who hates marriage, and our first line of defense is prayer. When we pray, we bring God into our marriage. We give God a pathway to come in and to deal with our hearts and with our husband. The funny thing about prayer is that we start praying what we want and what we see and what we think, we pray about these things. But God has a way of taking that time in prayer and dealing with our hearts.

Audrey:

We may come to the Lord because of something that we don't like or we think should change or be a certain way, but a lot of times when I've done that in my marriage, the Lord has put his hand or put his finger on my heart and showed me. Well, you know what. Maybe he does need to change in this area, but maybe you need to change in this area. Now, I don't necessarily like that, but I'd rather live in the truth than pretend that I'm perfect and he's not, because I really do want a strong marriage, even though sometimes it's not easy. Sometimes marriage has a way of showing us who we really are. There's this person who we think we are and then when we get married, it's like, oh, I have a lot of areas that I need to grow in, and I didn't realize how immature I was until I got married and I thought I was pretty mature. And then I got married and I was like, oh, ok, well, maybe not, maybe I do have some areas I can work on. But when we go to the Lord in prayer for our marriage. He works in our marriage and he works in us.

Audrey:

Also, another thing about prayer is it's hard to stay mad at somebody when you're consistently praying for them. You know, when you're coming to the Lord with a sincere heart, asking Him to bless someone, asking Him to work in somebody's heart, in somebody's life, it's hard to stay mad at that person. And you know, one of my prayers has always been Lord, give me your love for my husband. I have my love for him and you know the reasons I fell in love with him and I married him. But I know that you see him a lot differently than I do. Give me your love for him. Let me see him through your eyes, because he's, you know, god is not just my father, he's my husband's father and he wants us to love each other and take care of each other. And so if I go to the Lord and ask the Lord to help me love my husband, that is a prayer he will always answer.

Audrey:

Now I put together a resource, a free resource, for you guys. If you go, if you'll look in the show notes, I'll leave a link to a PDF file I put together. It's called seven powerful prayers to pray over your husband. So if you don't currently pray for your husband or you're not sure how to start, maybe that'll give you a little boost, maybe that'll help point you in the right direction, at least help you start. And, like I said, it's called Seven Powerful Prayers to Pray Over your Husband and I'll put that link in the show notes and it's just a resource to help get you started.

Audrey:

So the first thing that your husband needs from you is he needs your prayers. The second thing that he needs from you is your respect. The Bible is very clear that wives are to respect their husbands and that is a need. That is a need that your husband has. Now I understand that sometimes your husband is going to act in a way that doesn't necessarily deserve respect. Maybe you don't think your husband is worthy of respect, of respect. Maybe you don't think your husband is worthy of respect, but you're not respecting him because of who he is and what he does. You're respecting him because God asks you to Don't use his failures or his shortcomings as an excuse to withhold your respect from him, his shortcomings as an excuse to withhold your respect from him. You know, just like you don't want him to withhold his love from you. You don't want your husband to withhold his love from you because you don't do the things that he wants you to do right. That's manipulation. To withhold love until a person gets it right or until a person acts a certain way. Well, it's the same. With respect, we give him respect because it's a need and because the Lord has asked that of us. No-transcript we're being obedient to the Lord and we're meeting a need, a deep need that he has, and it's a gift to him and it's also an offering of obedience to the Lord. So the second thing that your husband needs from you is your respect. The third thing that he needs from you is he needs you to believe the best of him. He needs you to believe the best of him. He needs you to believe good things about him.

Audrey:

You married your husband for a reason. There were things that you liked about him, there were things that you loved about him. There were things you respected about him, and he needs you to remember those things and to believe those things. Now he needs you to believe in him. He goes into a world every day. We do too. I don't discount that. But he goes into a world every day that is constantly bombarding him with thoughts of I'm not good enough, can I do this? Do I have what it takes? Do I have what it takes? And we need to be his biggest cheerleader. He needs you to believe in him.

Audrey:

There was a season in our marriage, many years ago, when the Lord was dealing with me about the way that I was showing up for my husband, the things I was expecting of him and the things that I ignored about myself. But sometimes I held him to a higher standard than I did myself, and the Lord reminded me that I need to remember the reason that I married him, the things I fell in love about, the reasons I fell in love with him, his good qualities, and for a long time, every day in my journal I would write down two or three things that I loved about him and that I appreciated about him, and so what it did was it got my eyes on his good qualities, Because in everyday life, when we're busy and we got stress and things going on, it can be really easy to forget the good things, the things that he does without being asked, the qualities that you admire about him the most. My husband is an excellent father. He's a wonderful father and sometimes in the hustle and bustle I can forget that, and just remembering that it helps me to have grace in the areas where maybe he's not as strong. And so I encourage you to do that. Do a little exercise for a week, two weeks I did it for months. Just write in your journal two or three things every day that you admire about him, that you love about him, that you appreciate about him. Maybe it's just something he did that day, you know, maybe it's just something that he said. Whatever it is about your husband that you love, that you admire, that you appreciate, write those things down to remind yourself that, hey, I've got a good man, I've got a good husband.

Audrey:

The fourth thing that your husband needs from you is your encouragement. See, not only is it important that you think good things about him, but he needs to hear those good things. He needs you to put those thoughts, those good thoughts about him, into words. Encouragement is like fuel for the soul. We need encouragement. In a world that is so discouraging, you would be amazed at how far a little bit of encouragement will go. And he needs you to put into words good things. And maybe you think it sounds silly or awkward, but I promise you he needs it.

Audrey:

Sometimes I'll text my husband in the middle of the day and I'll just say something like I am so glad you're my husband, I got the best husband in the world. And then I can't see his eyes roll because sometimes if I say that to his face it's just a little more than he can bear. But if I text it I can't see his eye roll. But I know he needs it. Even though it's kind of like prayer. Even though he may not tell you he needs it, he needs it. And when we sow encouragement into him and we encourage him, it draws him near to us. Nobody wants to be around somebody who brings them down all the time, intentionally or unintentionally. Nobody wants to be around that person. But we're drawn to people who think well of us and who speak good things over us, and so your husband needs your encouragement. He needs somebody to believe in him, somebody who's on his side, and when you speak those words out, then he knows you're that person. He needs a cheerleader, and God has given us a unique opportunity to be his partner, to be his fan, to be the one who says honey, I know you can do this. No, you can do this. You know I always thought it was important in Proverbs 31 and verse 23.

Audrey:

And it says her husband is respected at the city gate where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. And just the fact that it's mentioned in Psalm 31 that her husband has this position In Psalm 31, that her husband has this position, it's attributing part of that to her, because the whole passage is about a godly woman, about a woman after God's heart, and it's given her part of that credit. And I think that when we believe in our husbands, when we encourage them, it helps them to believe in themselves and to step out and to do things that he may not otherwise do if he didn't have somebody in the background saying I believe in you, I know you can do this. So number one is your husband needs your prayers. Number two is your husband needs your respect. Number three is your husband needs you respect. Number three is your husband needs you to believe the best of him. And number four is your husband needs your encouragement. And the fifth thing that your husband needs from you is he needs you to help set him up for success. Now, what do I mean by that? I'll admit it.

Audrey:

There were times in our marriage early on when I set my husband up for failure. I wanted him to make me feel a certain way or do certain things, and I didn't always communicate those things. But when he did not meet my expectations, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do. I withdrew or I let him know that I was disappointed. And after a while of doing that, of not believing the best things about him, of believing that he didn't love me enough or he didn't treat me the way that I felt like he should treat me, after a while of that, he stops and the Lord started dealing with me about. You are setting him up for failure. There are unspoken expectations and you want him to guess what you need and what you want, and then, when he doesn't guess correctly, you hold it against him. Now I hope you don't do that and I'm bearing my soul by telling you that I have done that.

Audrey:

Your husband needs you to believe the best in him, that his intentions are right, that he wants to do a good job, and he also needs your help in knowing what that looks like Now. For example, there were days, there were seasons, when I wanted my husband to take me on a date night and I might throw around clues, but I wanted him to take the bait, like I would throw him the bait, but he didn't always recognize it, and so I would be pouty or frustrated or angry because he didn't do the things I felt like a good husband would do. But the truth is, I was not communicating my needs to him, and the Lord showed me you are being petty and you need to go to him and say, hey, I need this. And if it takes it, you need to put it on the calendar and tell him this day, this. And if it takes it, you need to put it on the calendar and tell him this day, this night, don't make any plans on this night, we're going to go do something.

Audrey:

Now you may say that takes all the romance out of it. Well, maybe so, but what is your goal? I mean, is your goal to spend time with him, or is your goal for him to be somebody that he's not? And he did not think that way. To him he was just fine staying home and he had worked all week and he was just fine with staying home and watching TV To him. That was just a wonderful way to end the week. He had no idea that I needed one-on-one time, intentional time, just with him.

Audrey:

Now and see, even now you may think, oh, how could he not know that? Because that was not his need, it was my need. The Lord started showing me. Set him up for success, audrey. You're setting him up for failure. You know you're putting out unrealistic expectations and then after a while he stops trying to please you because you can't be pleased. And so be pleasable, if that makes sense. Be pleasable, believe that he wants to be a good husband and that he's trying, and help him to be a good husband. Help him to be a good father. Believe in him. And that wraps up our final episode on marriage and I hope that this has been an encouragement to you and a blessing. God bless and I hope you have a wonderful day.