Counting the Cost: 5 Honest Challenges of Homeschooling

Read the blog post for this podcast topic here: https://graceformyhome.com/counting-the-cost-5-honest-challenges-of-homeschooling/

Homeschooling brings both joys and challenges.  As a veteran homeschool mom, Audrey, shares the most difficult aspects of her 12-year homeschooling journey to provide a balanced perspective.

• The challenge of constant togetherness for an introvert who craves occasional solitude
• Financial pressure and lifestyle adjustments of living on one income
• The weight of being solely responsible for children's entire education
• Socialization struggles that some homeschooled children face
• Emotional, physical, and spiritual drain leading to periodic homeschool burnout
• The importance of having a clear confirmation from God to sustain through difficult times
• How inadequacy in homeschooling drove greater dependence on God's strength
• Each child experiences homeschooling differently, requiring individual approaches

I strongly encourage you to go to my blog, Grace For my Home, or look in the show notes and subscribe to my weekly email. I send out an email once a week with encouragement and information I don't have time to share on the blog. I'd love to hear from you!

Transcript

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Summer Reflections and Family Updates

Speaker 1 1:13

Hello and welcome back to Grace From my Home . I'm Audrey and I'm so glad that you've joined me again this week . I hope that you're doing well . We are gearing up for the start of the new school year . My oldest will be in college and my other two will be in high school , so there's a lot going on , and it's good . I'm going to miss summer . I've enjoyed the change of pace of summer , but at the same time there are always things to look forward to once the school year starts . I miss the routine of knowing where everybody's going to be and when and that kind of thing . So our summer has been great . We were able to spend some time together . My husband and I were able to get away together , and then our whole family was able to do a vacation together . So I count that as a success . I count that as a good summer .

Speaker 1 2:07

Last week I shared with you some of my favorite things about homeschooling . We were a homeschool family for many years . I taught my children at home from kindergarten all the way up through their eighth grade year , and so I taught for 12 years , because I had three children and by the time I processed them all through , I had been a homeschool mom for 12 years and this is actually the first year we haven't homeschooled , which has been more of a transition for me than I imagined it would be , but I loved homeschooling and anybody who been more of a transition for me than I imagined it would be , but I loved homeschooling and anybody who wants to talk about it and you know , anywhere I go and I meet homeschoolers or you know there are people who come sometimes . They know that I homeschooled . They'll come and ask me questions . I love talking about it because I just think it was great . It was a wonderful experience for our family . Now , during those 12 years , if you'd have come and talked with me about it , depending on the day , you might not have gotten such an enthusiastic endorsement , because it's hard and there were days that you know I thought why am I doing this , or should I be doing this , or can I do this ? But now that I look back , I'm glad we did and last week I shared with you the things that I love most

Looking Back on 12 Years of Homeschooling

Speaker 1 3:19

about our homeschooling journey .

Speaker 1 3:22

This week I want to balance it out by sharing some of the things that I found most challenging about homeschooling . You know , sometimes when you talk with people like me , who are veteran homeschoolers and who broke through some of the hard places and now look I look back on it with fond memories you can get an unbalanced view . It sounds like , oh , homeschooling is just wonderful and everyone should do it . And then when you start , or you try , or you're in the middle of it and it doesn't't look that way . It feels hard . It doesn't look like the homeschool blogs , it doesn't look like all of the homeschool blogs that you like to go and read , or the people on social media who make it look like it's just such a natural flow to your day . You think what's wrong with me . You know why can't I get this right ? Or did God ask me to do this ? Because if he asked me to do this , surely this would be easier . And so I want to share with you today some of the things that I found most challenging about homeschooling , or some of the things that I liked the least . So I guess last week would be the pros and this week I want to talk with you about the cons , and I want to say , before I share anything , that I would do it all over again . I really feel like it was a call of God on my life , on our lives , and it was what he asked us to do .

Speaker 1 4:50

I don't think that everyone should homeschool , even every Christian family , and I have heard people who say that every homeschool , every Christian family should homeschool , and I'm not of that camp . I don't believe that . I believe that it's best to pray and hear from the Lord , because that is what kept me on the days that were extremely hard . I felt like I had a very clear call from the Lord , a very clear answer . When I asked him do you want me to homeschool ? And I feel like I got a very clear yes . And there were days that I had to go back to that yes and had to say , okay , this is hard , but God asked this of me and where he guides , he always provides . So if he asks something of me , he's going to give me the grace , the strength , the wisdom , the endurance to continue to finish what I've started . And so I think every family has to decide for themselves . They have to pray , they have to ask God is this your plan for our family ? But this week I want to talk with you about the things , like I said , the things that I found most challenging .

Speaker 1 6:03

You know , last week I mentioned that one of the great things about homeschooling is all the time that you get to spend with your children . You know that time gives you the opportunity to get to know them , to connect with their heart , to share Christ with them in a meaningful way , and those are all great things . But for me one of the cons of homeschooling was all that time that I was in front of other people . I am by nature an introvert and I crave time by myself , and homeschooling was hard on this introvert . At least when I was working full time I had a lunch break or I had a commute . At one time I was driving about an hour back and forth to work each day , and so on the way to work I could pray , get my mind right , listen to messages . On the way back I could decompress , I could make phone calls if I needed to those kinds of things , and so I had some me time , even if it was just my lunch break in the middle of the day .

Speaker 1 7:13

But when I came home and I had three little ones who needed my constant attention , I felt drained a lot because I crave time alone . And so all that time together is wonderful , until it's not , and that was very hard for me . You know , even Jesus withdrew by himself at times to get away and pray , and I had a hard time when it seemed like there was no time

The Introvert's Struggle with Constant Togetherness

Speaker 1 7:43

for me to be by myself . And I've talked about this , I talk about this in the message that I share about having quiet time with Jesus . They just felt like there was no time to have a quiet time with Jesus , and so I had to seek out those little pieces of solitude that before kids , before homeschooling , I would not have thought was sufficient or enough . But God was gracious and he helped me . But it is hard . All of that togetherness was hard for me . Not that I don't love my children , but we all do better when we have some time apart . You know , there were days when I wish that I could have a school bus , stop by and pick them up and I could have that day to just clean my house , sit and read , just lay on the couch and just be . And I love my children , but it's perfectly normal to want to be away from them from time to time , and so that I found that very hard .

Speaker 1 8:48

The second thing that I found that was very difficult for us when it come to homeschooling , was the financial pressure . I worked as a salesperson before I became a stay-at-home mom and I wanted to quit my job . Years before I wanted to quit my job time , I found out I was pregnant with my first son , but financially we were not able to do that . But when that desire started bubbling up in my heart and I shared that with my husband , we started making plans . He wanted that too , but he is a realist . And he said and making plans , he wanted that too , but he is a realist . And he said we cannot do that financially right now . Let's pay off some debt and see what we can do . And so we worked during that time to pay off debt . I tried to work extra hours as a salesperson . I was paid on commission , so the harder I worked , the more I could make . And we paid down some debt so that by the time my oldest was four I was able to resign .

Speaker 1 9:49

That was wonderful and I felt like God had called me to do this . So to me it didn't feel like a sacrifice , but it was a sacrifice Once you're home and you're home but you can't afford to go do anything . And it was a change of lifestyle

Financial Sacrifices of Being a Homeschool Family

Speaker 1 10:08

for us . For me , and you know I loved stopping by every morning and getting a cup of coffee on my way to work . You know that made me feel like I was , you know , had a little bit of freedom . I didn't think anything about going and buying a new purse or an outfit .

Speaker 1 10:24

And well , when I became a homeschool mom , it cut our income in half and I did not complain . I tried not to complain because this was what I felt like God had called me to do , and so there was a joy in it and I found ways around . I learned to be better with my money . I learned to be better with my money . I learned to be better with our money and I tried to think of the positives . I'm teaching my kids how to be frugal . I'm teaching them , you know , they're definitely not going to be spoiled . And so I tried to think of the positives .

Speaker 1 10:57

But now that I look back , like I said , I wouldn't take anything for homeschooling . I wouldn't take anything for the ability to be able to do that . Everybody can't . But we're not right now financially . We're not where other people our age are , simply because we've lived on one income for so long , and that's a reality , and I think that we , you know Jesus said in Luke 14, . He said count the cost . He said , before a man starts to build a tower , he's going to count the cost and see do I have enough to finish this ? And so I think , when you're thinking about homeschooling or in the middle of homeschooling , I think it's important to be realistic about you know , are we financially able to do this ? Does this make sense for our family ? And , of course , like I said before , the main question is is this what God's called us to do ? Because if it is , then he will provide .

Speaker 1 11:51

But there are sacrifices . The reality is to say yes to one thing is To say yes to being a full-time stay-at-home mom , or being a full-time homeschool mom , is to say no to things like new cars , vacations , sometimes college . You know , right now I'm so thankful that my oldest son has gotten scholarships . His first year of college is paid for because he got scholarships and I'm so thankful for that . But if it wasn't , then we would have to take out loans , he would have to take out loans , and that's just the reality of how life works . And so and I'm telling you this because I wish someone had spelled that out for me , because you know when you're in the moment and it's like , oh , we're doing what God called us to do . This is going to be wonderful , but it's still a sacrifice . It doesn't take away the sting of not always being able to do the things that you want to do when you want to do them , because you made the choice that you wanted to homeschool your children . So that was the second thing that I felt was I didn't like . I didn't like that , but it's the truth , it's how it is .

Speaker 1 13:14

The third thing is the weight of the responsibility of homeschooling . When you bring your children home , you withdraw them out of the public school system . You are responsible for their entire education , and that weight was heavy for me . I remember when I was telling my husband I want to homeschool our children . At first he was not excited about the idea . He is in public education . At the time he was an assistant high school principal . Now he is a high school principal and so he knew about education .

Speaker 1 13:55

I remember us sitting down to talk about this one day and he said Audrey , you will be responsible for teaching our children to read . Do you understand how important that is ? And I'm thankful that he did . You know there was part of me that want to be upset with him and wanted to say of course , of course I can teach our children how to read . But when he said it that way , I understood his concern . He cared about our children's education and he wanted to make sure I understood that by . You know , by taking them home , by bringing them home and teaching these things , that I would become responsible for their education . And that doesn't stop with teaching them how to read , it goes all the way through until , like I said , we put our children in public high school . And that's a lot . There's no teacher to blame , there's no principal to blame . You can't blame the public school system . You can't . You know , it's you , it's you .

Speaker 1 15:03

And I felt that burden , I felt that weight , that responsibility . I will tell you that it kept me on my toes . You know , I knew that there was a possibility in high school that my children may end up going to high school . I didn't want them to be behind their peers , I didn't want them to be embarrassed about the things that they didn't know , and I certainly didn't want to hurt their opportunity to do well in high school and to get scholarships for college . And so it pushed me to make sure I was teaching them the things that they needed to thrive academically . Spiritually was my focus , but I believe we can do both well . We can do the spiritual side and the academic side well , and I will say that all three of my children have done great in public high school , and I thank the Lord for that , and part of that was because I felt that weight , I felt that responsibility , that it's up to you , audrey , this is your job to educate your children , but that's something that you really need to think about if you're considering homeschool . It's real . You know they don't know what they don't know and you don't know what you don't know , and it pushed me to go and find those who did .

Speaker 1 16:25

You know I did not teach them algebra . Could I have , possibly , but I didn't want to Like , I wanted them to have a good algebra teacher . You know I took algebra . I was an engineering major . I took differential equations , but that was 25 years ago . I didn't want my limitations to limit them , and so there were different areas where I sought out the best teachers , the best books , the best resources , the best classes . You know , I've signed them up for an online algebra class through our school district . And so it's not that you have to do all the teaching , it's that you're responsible for getting them the teaching . Nobody's going to be out there

The Weight of Educational Responsibility

Speaker 1 17:07

finding it for you or telling you hey , you should do this , you should do that . You're responsible for finding the resources and putting them into place .

Speaker 1 17:19

And number five this is the one that is probably the most touchy when you talk to people who homeschool people in Christian homeschool circles , please don't throw tomatoes . But there can be a struggle with socialization and a lot of homeschoolers will defend homeschooling to the end and say there is no problem with socialization . And I just want to be real with you and say some homeschooled kids struggle socially and it's okay to admit that each child is different . You know , I had one child who struggled socially when he moved from a homeschool setting to a public school setting . Like me , he is an introvert and being around people all the time , all day , every day , was not easy for him . I have another son and he was immediately popular because he talks to everybody and he hugs everybody . You just can't help but love him and he just immediately . It was like he'd been there his whole life .

Speaker 1 18:28

But I had one son , my last son , caleb , and he I think he would have struggled more had we not had the coffee shop , his last year of homeschooling , because that pushed him out of his comfort zone . He worked at our shop , he learned how to talk to people and it made him more social . Now could we have had similar things for my other son , who struggled Probably , but I didn't know . Even he has told me I wish you had sent me earlier , I wish I could have gone to public school and middle school . He said I think I would have been . I think my high school experience would have been better From his perspective as a homeschool kid . He wished he had started earlier , because he said there were just things that he missed out on that he thinks would have made him more social during high school .

Speaker 1 19:15

Now we always talk about peer pressure like it's a bad thing . It can be , but it's a natural thing too . It's natural for us to want to fit in with those who we're around all day , every day , and so that's a real concern . If I had it to do all over , I'd have probably done a lot of things differently , but you know , but we did not have co -ops that were close . The closest co-op to me was about an hour away and the only other homeschool family that I knew was my sister's family and we spent a lot of time with them . But outside of that , before the coffee shop , we really didn't have a lot of outside social interaction except for at church , and I wish I was more intentional about making that happen . Maybe I would have made that drive for an hour . But the socialization struggle is real , but it's not insurmountable .

Speaker 1 20:08

And the last thing I want to mention is that homeschooling was emotionally , physically and spiritually draining for me . Burnout , homeschool burnout , is a real thing . I remember the first few years I didn't know what was happening to me . I thought I was falling into a depression and I'm sure there were times when I was struggling with depression . But I found out over the years it seemed to happen around the same time

Addressing the Socialization Challenge

Speaker 1 20:35

and that was like around that January , february mark and I started noticing you know cycles and realizing , okay , this is what they mean by homeschool burnout , because it is a lot .

Speaker 1 20:48

You're constantly trying to make sure that your kids are getting what they need . You know , I don't know a homeschool mom that doesn't ask herself am I doing this right ? Am I doing the right things . Am I doing enough of the right things ? Is this good enough ? And one of the positives about this is it constantly kept me in touch with God . I was constantly praying and saying Lord , I feel so inadequate in this role that you've asked me to feel Please give me grace , show me the way . And it kept me close to Jesus because I needed him .

Speaker 1 21:28

When we're put in a situation where we cannot do it , but God is asking us to do it , that forces us to lean on him . It forces us to draw on his strength , and I think that's what God does . I think his calling . If he's calling us to do something we can do , then we don't need him . And so he calls us to do things we can't do , and we know we can't do them , and that's why we have to lean on him . And so that was probably the hardest part of homeschooling for me . That mental burden can be constant and wrestling with those insecurities and through it all , you know , god builds your confidence .

Speaker 1 22:13

I was a completely different person and our homeschool was completely different from when my kids were in second and third grade to when they were in seventh and eighth grade . You know , god built my confidence and showed me you can do this and helped me to find the joy in it . There was one year where I had a kindergartner , a second grader and a third grader and if you'd asked me during that season if I recommended homeschooling , I'm not sure I would have told you yes , because I was having to you know deal with trying to teach a five-year-old to sit in their chair , trying to teach one to read , trying to help another learn how to write , and tears almost every day , and some of those tears were mine . So if you'd asked me during those early seasons , do I recommend homeschooling , I might not have told you yes . But , like I said , I knew God had called me to do so . I felt very confident that I heard him say yes and that kept me on the hard days .

Speaker 1 23:18

See , if you don't have that yes , if you're just doing it because you feel like you know your peer group expects this , or you heard somebody say every Christian family should homeschool , then when it gets like that you don't really have anything to stand on . You know it's like you're just doing it because it's expected and I'm going to tell you it's too hard to do just because it's expected . Don't do it just because it sounds like fun , because there are many days it is a lot of fun , but there are many days that are more hard than fun . And so if God's called you to do it , he'll give you the grace to do it . But it helps to know that you've prayed it through and you've heard from the Lord and he said yes . And then when it gets hard , you can go to him and say now listen , you told me to do this . Where's the grace ? I need the grace , and where he guides

Dealing with Homeschool Burnout

Speaker 1 24:10

, he provides .

Speaker 1 24:12

And I know that sounds cliche and I know it may sound trite , but it's true . So I hope that this has been encouraging for you today . I hope it's given you something to think about . I hope that if you are homeschooling , it would be encouraging and I say encouraging because sometimes for me it's just encouraging to know that it's hard for everybody , not just me . And if you're thinking about homeschooling , I hope that it will give you some things to truly think about . You know , like Jesus said , let's count the cost , let's don't go into a situation and not have thought it through well , let's use wisdom .

Speaker 1 24:52

And I want to end today just by telling you that you know I'm here to support you as a mom . That's what I do . I love moms . I love what you're doing . I believe that we , as moms have an important part in the kingdom . I think that family is the basic building block of our society and I want to encourage you in the important and the holy work that you're doing , and I believe in it . I believe in you . I believe that God gives you grace to do what you can't do , and I'm here on the other side saying you can do this . If God called you to it , he will give you grace to do it .

Speaker 1 25:35

And if you ever want to reach out to me , I respond to everyone who reaches out to me . I would love to hear your story , I'd love to hear your questions . I'm always thinking what can I share ? So if you have something you'd like to share , please do so . I strongly encourage you to go to my blog , grace For my Home , or look in the show notes and subscribe to my weekly email . I send out an email once a week and I'm trying to make that email a little more robust , trying to put some more information in there , share some things that I don't have time to share on the blog , and so I encourage you , if you want some support , if you just want some encouragement in your week . So I encourage you , if you want some support , if you just want some encouragement in your week , go to my blog , graceformyhomecom , or look in the show notes and subscribe to my email . I'd love to hear from you . I hope you have a great week . God bless .