Counting the Cost: 5 Honest Challenges of Homeschooling

Read the blog post for this podcast topic here: https://graceformyhome.com/counting-the-cost-5-honest-challenges-of-homeschooling/

Homeschooling brings both joys and challenges.  As a veteran homeschool mom, Audrey, shares the most difficult aspects of her 12-year homeschooling journey to provide a balanced perspective.

• The challenge of constant togetherness for an introvert who craves occasional solitude
• Financial pressure and lifestyle adjustments of living on one income
• The weight of being solely responsible for children's entire education
• Socialization struggles that some homeschooled children face
• Emotional, physical, and spiritual drain leading to periodic homeschool burnout
• The importance of having a clear confirmation from God to sustain through difficult times
• How inadequacy in homeschooling drove greater dependence on God's strength
• Each child experiences homeschooling differently, requiring individual approaches

I strongly encourage you to go to my blog, Grace For my Home, or look in the show notes and subscribe to my weekly email. I send out an email once a week with encouragement and information I don't have time to share on the blog. I'd love to hear from you!

Chapters

• 0:00 Summer Reflections and Family Updates
• 3:18 Looking Back on 12 Years of Homeschooling
• 7:42 The Introvert's Struggle with Constant Togetherness
• 10:07 Financial Sacrifices of Being a Homeschool Family
• 17:07 The Weight of Educational Responsibility
• 20:34 Addressing the Socialization Challenge
• 24:10 Dealing with Homeschool Burnout
• 27:04 Closing Encouragement for Parents

Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:13

Hello and welcome back to Grace From my Home. I'm Audrey and I'm so glad that you've joined me again this week. I hope that you're doing well. We are gearing up for the start of the new school year. My oldest will be in college and my other two will be in high school, so there's a lot going on, and it's good. I'm going to miss summer. I've enjoyed the change of pace of summer, but at the same time there are always things to look forward to once the school year starts. I miss the routine of knowing where everybody's going to be and when and that kind of thing. So our summer has been great. We were able to spend some time together. My husband and I were able to get away together, and then our whole family was able to do a vacation together. So I count that as a success. I count that as a good summer.

Speaker 1: 2:07

Last week I shared with you some of my favorite things about homeschooling. We were a homeschool family for many years. I taught my children at home from kindergarten all the way up through their eighth grade year, and so I taught for 12 years, because I had three children and by the time I processed them all through, I had been a homeschool mom for 12 years and this is actually the first year we haven't homeschooled, which has been more of a transition for me than I imagined it would be, but I loved homeschooling and anybody who been more of a transition for me than I imagined it would be, but I loved homeschooling and anybody who wants to talk about it and you know, anywhere I go and I meet homeschoolers or you know there are people who come sometimes. They know that I homeschooled. They'll come and ask me questions. I love talking about it because I just think it was great. It was a wonderful experience for our family. Now, during those 12 years, if you'd have come and talked with me about it, depending on the day, you might not have gotten such an enthusiastic endorsement, because it's hard and there were days that you know I thought why am I doing this, or should I be doing this, or can I do this? But now that I look back, I'm glad we did and last week I shared with you the things that I love most about our homeschooling journey.

Speaker 1: 3:22

This week I want to balance it out by sharing some of the things that I found most challenging about homeschooling. You know, sometimes when you talk with people like me, who are veteran homeschoolers and who broke through some of the hard places and now look I look back on it with fond memories you can get an unbalanced view. It sounds like, oh, homeschooling is just wonderful and everyone should do it. And then when you start, or you try, or you're in the middle of it and it doesn't't look that way. It feels hard. It doesn't look like the homeschool blogs, it doesn't look like all of the homeschool blogs that you like to go and read, or the people on social media who make it look like it's just such a natural flow to your day. You think what's wrong with me. You know why can't I get this right? Or did God ask me to do this? Because if he asked me to do this, surely this would be easier. And so I want to share with you today some of the things that I found most challenging about homeschooling, or some of the things that I liked the least. So I guess last week would be the pros and this week I want to talk with you about the cons, and I want to say, before I share anything, that I would do it all over again. I really feel like it was a call of God on my life, on our lives, and it was what he asked us to do.

Speaker 1: 4:50

I don't think that everyone should homeschool, even every Christian family, and I have heard people who say that every homeschool, every Christian family should homeschool, and I'm not of that camp. I don't believe that. I believe that it's best to pray and hear from the Lord, because that is what kept me on the days that were extremely hard. I felt like I had a very clear call from the Lord, a very clear answer. When I asked him do you want me to homeschool? And I feel like I got a very clear yes. And there were days that I had to go back to that yes and had to say, okay, this is hard, but God asked this of me and where he guides, he always provides. So if he asks something of me, he's going to give me the grace, the strength, the wisdom, the endurance to continue to finish what I've started. And so I think every family has to decide for themselves. They have to pray, they have to ask God is this your plan for our family? But this week I want to talk with you about the things, like I said, the things that I found most challenging.

Speaker 1: 6:03

You know, last week I mentioned that one of the great things about homeschooling is all the time that you get to spend with your children. You know that time gives you the opportunity to get to know them, to connect with their heart, to share Christ with them in a meaningful way, and those are all great things. But for me one of the cons of homeschooling was all that time that I was in front of other people. I am by nature an introvert and I crave time by myself, and homeschooling was hard on this introvert. At least when I was working full time I had a lunch break or I had a commute. At one time I was driving about an hour back and forth to work each day, and so on the way to work I could pray, get my mind right, listen to messages. On the way back I could decompress, I could make phone calls if I needed to those kinds of things, and so I had some me time, even if it was just my lunch break in the middle of the day.

Speaker 1: 7:13

But when I came home and I had three little ones who needed my constant attention, I felt drained a lot because I crave time alone. And so all that time together is wonderful, until it's not, and that was very hard for me. You know, even Jesus withdrew by himself at times to get away and pray, and I had a hard time when it seemed like there was no time for me to be by myself. And I've talked about this, I talk about this in the message that I share about having quiet time with Jesus. They just felt like there was no time to have a quiet time with Jesus, and so I had to seek out those little pieces of solitude that before kids, before homeschooling, I would not have thought was sufficient or enough. But God was gracious and he helped me. But it is hard. All of that togetherness was hard for me. Not that I don't love my children, but we all do better when we have some time apart. You know, there were days when I wish that I could have a school bus, stop by and pick them up and I could have that day to just clean my house, sit and read, just lay on the couch and just be. And I love my children, but it's perfectly normal to want to be away from them from time to time, and so that I found that very hard.

Speaker 1: 8:48

The second thing that I found that was very difficult for us when it come to homeschooling, was the financial pressure. I worked as a salesperson before I became a stay-at-home mom and I wanted to quit my job. Years before I wanted to quit my job time, I found out I was pregnant with my first son, but financially we were not able to do that. But when that desire started bubbling up in my heart and I shared that with my husband, we started making plans. He wanted that too, but he is a realist. And he said and making plans, he wanted that too, but he is a realist. And he said we cannot do that financially right now. Let's pay off some debt and see what we can do. And so we worked during that time to pay off debt. I tried to work extra hours as a salesperson. I was paid on commission, so the harder I worked, the more I could make. And we paid down some debt so that by the time my oldest was four I was able to resign.

Speaker 1: 9:49

That was wonderful and I felt like God had called me to do this. So to me it didn't feel like a sacrifice, but it was a sacrifice Once you're home and you're home but you can't afford to go do anything. And it was a change of lifestyle for us. For me, and you know I loved stopping by every morning and getting a cup of coffee on my way to work. You know that made me feel like I was, you know, had a little bit of freedom. I didn't think anything about going and buying a new purse or an outfit.

Speaker 1: 10:24

And well, when I became a homeschool mom, it cut our income in half and I did not complain. I tried not to complain because this was what I felt like God had called me to do, and so there was a joy in it and I found ways around. I learned to be better with my money. I learned to be better with my money. I learned to be better with our money and I tried to think of the positives. I'm teaching my kids how to be frugal. I'm teaching them, you know, they're definitely not going to be spoiled. And so I tried to think of the positives.

Speaker 1: 10:57

But now that I look back, like I said, I wouldn't take anything for homeschooling. I wouldn't take anything for the ability to be able to do that. Everybody can't. But we're not right now financially. We're not where other people our age are, simply because we've lived on one income for so long, and that's a reality, and I think that we, you know Jesus said in Luke 14,. He said count the cost. He said, before a man starts to build a tower, he's going to count the cost and see do I have enough to finish this? And so I think, when you're thinking about homeschooling or in the middle of homeschooling, I think it's important to be realistic about you know, are we financially able to do this? Does this make sense for our family? And, of course, like I said before, the main question is is this what God's called us to do? Because if it is, then he will provide.

Speaker 1: 11:51

But there are sacrifices. The reality is to say yes to one thing is To say yes to being a full-time stay-at-home mom, or being a full-time homeschool mom, is to say no to things like new cars, vacations, sometimes college. You know, right now I'm so thankful that my oldest son has gotten scholarships. His first year of college is paid for because he got scholarships and I'm so thankful for that. But if it wasn't, then we would have to take out loans, he would have to take out loans, and that's just the reality of how life works. And so and I'm telling you this because I wish someone had spelled that out for me, because you know when you're in the moment and it's like, oh, we're doing what God called us to do. This is going to be wonderful, but it's still a sacrifice. It doesn't take away the sting of not always being able to do the things that you want to do when you want to do them, because you made the choice that you wanted to homeschool your children. So that was the second thing that I felt was I didn't like. I didn't like that, but it's the truth, it's how it is.

Speaker 1: 13:14

The third thing is the weight of the responsibility of homeschooling. When you bring your children home, you withdraw them out of the public school system. You are responsible for their entire education, and that weight was heavy for me. I remember when I was telling my husband I want to homeschool our children. At first he was not excited about the idea. He is in public education. At the time he was an assistant high school principal. Now he is a high school principal and so he knew about education.

Speaker 1: 13:55

I remember us sitting down to talk about this one day and he said Audrey, you will be responsible for teaching our children to read. Do you understand how important that is? And I'm thankful that he did. You know there was part of me that want to be upset with him and wanted to say of course, of course I can teach our children how to read. But when he said it that way, I understood his concern. He cared about our children's education and he wanted to make sure I understood that by. You know, by taking them home, by bringing them home and teaching these things, that I would become responsible for their education. And that doesn't stop with teaching them how to read, it goes all the way through until, like I said, we put our children in public high school. And that's a lot. There's no teacher to blame, there's no principal to blame. You can't blame the public school system. You can't. You know, it's you, it's you.

Speaker 1: 15:03

And I felt that burden, I felt that weight, that responsibility. I will tell you that it kept me on my toes. You know, I knew that there was a possibility in high school that my children may end up going to high school. I didn't want them to be behind their peers, I didn't want them to be embarrassed about the things that they didn't know, and I certainly didn't want to hurt their opportunity to do well in high school and to get scholarships for college. And so it pushed me to make sure I was teaching them the things that they needed to thrive academically. Spiritually was my focus, but I believe we can do both well. We can do the spiritual side and the academic side well, and I will say that all three of my children have done great in public high school, and I thank the Lord for that, and part of that was because I felt that weight, I felt that responsibility, that it's up to you, audrey, this is your job to educate your children, but that's something that you really need to think about if you're considering homeschool. It's real. You know they don't know what they don't know and you don't know what you don't know, and it pushed me to go and find those who did.

Speaker 1: 16:25

You know I did not teach them algebra. Could I have, possibly, but I didn't want to Like, I wanted them to have a good algebra teacher. You know I took algebra. I was an engineering major. I took differential equations, but that was 25 years ago. I didn't want my limitations to limit them, and so there were different areas where I sought out the best teachers, the best books, the best resources, the best classes. You know, I've signed them up for an online algebra class through our school district. And so it's not that you have to do all the teaching, it's that you're responsible for getting them the teaching. Nobody's going to be out there finding it for you or telling you hey, you should do this, you should do that. You're responsible for finding the resources and putting them into place.

Speaker 1: 17:19

And number five this is the one that is probably the most touchy when you talk to people who homeschool people in Christian homeschool circles, please don't throw tomatoes. But there can be a struggle with socialization and a lot of homeschoolers will defend homeschooling to the end and say there is no problem with socialization. And I just want to be real with you and say some homeschooled kids struggle socially and it's okay to admit that each child is different. You know, I had one child who struggled socially when he moved from a homeschool setting to a public school setting. Like me, he is an introvert and being around people all the time, all day, every day, was not easy for him. I have another son and he was immediately popular because he talks to everybody and he hugs everybody. You just can't help but love him and he just immediately. It was like he'd been there his whole life.

Speaker 1: 18:28

But I had one son, my last son, caleb, and he I think he would have struggled more had we not had the coffee shop, his last year of homeschooling, because that pushed him out of his comfort zone. He worked at our shop, he learned how to talk to people and it made him more social. Now could we have had similar things for my other son, who struggled Probably, but I didn't know. Even he has told me I wish you had sent me earlier, I wish I could have gone to public school and middle school. He said I think I would have been. I think my high school experience would have been better From his perspective as a homeschool kid. He wished he had started earlier, because he said there were just things that he missed out on that he thinks would have made him more social during high school.

Speaker 1: 19:15

Now we always talk about peer pressure like it's a bad thing. It can be, but it's a natural thing too. It's natural for us to want to fit in with those who we're around all day, every day, and so that's a real concern. If I had it to do all over, I'd have probably done a lot of things differently, but you know, but we did not have co -ops that were close. The closest co-op to me was about an hour away and the only other homeschool family that I knew was my sister's family and we spent a lot of time with them. But outside of that, before the coffee shop, we really didn't have a lot of outside social interaction except for at church, and I wish I was more intentional about making that happen. Maybe I would have made that drive for an hour. But the socialization struggle is real, but it's not insurmountable.

Speaker 1: 20:08

And the last thing I want to mention is that homeschooling was emotionally, physically and spiritually draining for me. Burnout, homeschool burnout, is a real thing. I remember the first few years I didn't know what was happening to me. I thought I was falling into a depression and I'm sure there were times when I was struggling with depression. But I found out over the years it seemed to happen around the same time and that was like around that January, february mark and I started noticing you know cycles and realizing, okay, this is what they mean by homeschool burnout, because it is a lot.

Speaker 1: 20:48

You're constantly trying to make sure that your kids are getting what they need. You know, I don't know a homeschool mom that doesn't ask herself am I doing this right? Am I doing the right things. Am I doing enough of the right things? Is this good enough? And one of the positives about this is it constantly kept me in touch with God. I was constantly praying and saying Lord, I feel so inadequate in this role that you've asked me to feel Please give me grace, show me the way. And it kept me close to Jesus because I needed him.

Speaker 1: 21:28

When we're put in a situation where we cannot do it, but God is asking us to do it, that forces us to lean on him. It forces us to draw on his strength, and I think that's what God does. I think his calling. If he's calling us to do something we can do, then we don't need him. And so he calls us to do things we can't do, and we know we can't do them, and that's why we have to lean on him. And so that was probably the hardest part of homeschooling for me. That mental burden can be constant and wrestling with those insecurities and through it all, you know, god builds your confidence.

Speaker 1: 22:13

I was a completely different person and our homeschool was completely different from when my kids were in second and third grade to when they were in seventh and eighth grade. You know, god built my confidence and showed me you can do this and helped me to find the joy in it. There was one year where I had a kindergartner, a second grader and a third grader and if you'd asked me during that season if I recommended homeschooling, I'm not sure I would have told you yes, because I was having to you know deal with trying to teach a five-year-old to sit in their chair, trying to teach one to read, trying to help another learn how to write, and tears almost every day, and some of those tears were mine. So if you'd asked me during those early seasons, do I recommend homeschooling, I might not have told you yes. But, like I said, I knew God had called me to do so. I felt very confident that I heard him say yes and that kept me on the hard days.

Speaker 1: 23:18

See, if you don't have that yes, if you're just doing it because you feel like you know your peer group expects this, or you heard somebody say every Christian family should homeschool, then when it gets like that you don't really have anything to stand on. You know it's like you're just doing it because it's expected and I'm going to tell you it's too hard to do just because it's expected. Don't do it just because it sounds like fun, because there are many days it is a lot of fun, but there are many days that are more hard than fun. And so if God's called you to do it, he'll give you the grace to do it. But it helps to know that you've prayed it through and you've heard from the Lord and he said yes. And then when it gets hard, you can go to him and say now listen, you told me to do this. Where's the grace? I need the grace, and where he guides, he provides.

Speaker 1: 24:12

And I know that sounds cliche and I know it may sound trite, but it's true. So I hope that this has been encouraging for you today. I hope it's given you something to think about. I hope that if you are homeschooling, it would be encouraging and I say encouraging because sometimes for me it's just encouraging to know that it's hard for everybody, not just me. And if you're thinking about homeschooling, I hope that it will give you some things to truly think about. You know, like Jesus said, let's count the cost, let's don't go into a situation and not have thought it through well, let's use wisdom.

Speaker 1: 24:52

And I want to end today just by telling you that you know I'm here to support you as a mom. That's what I do. I love moms. I love what you're doing. I believe that we, as moms have an important part in the kingdom. I think that family is the basic building block of our society and I want to encourage you in the important and the holy work that you're doing, and I believe in it. I believe in you. I believe that God gives you grace to do what you can't do, and I'm here on the other side saying you can do this. If God called you to it, he will give you grace to do it.

Speaker 1: 25:35

And if you ever want to reach out to me, I respond to everyone who reaches out to me. I would love to hear your story, I'd love to hear your questions. I'm always thinking what can I share? So if you have something you'd like to share, please do so. I strongly encourage you to go to my blog, grace For my Home, or look in the show notes and subscribe to my weekly email. I send out an email once a week and I'm trying to make that email a little more robust, trying to put some more information in there, share some things that I don't have time to share on the blog, and so I encourage you, if you want some support, if you just want some encouragement in your week. So I encourage you, if you want some support, if you just want some encouragement in your week, go to my blog, graceformyhomecom, or look in the show notes and subscribe to my email. I'd love to hear from you. I hope you have a great week. God bless.