From Drama to Peace: Building a Christ-Centered Marriage

Marriage is one of God’s greatest gifts, but it isn’t always easy. In this episode, I shares biblical principles for building a Christ-centered marriage filled with peace, unity, and grace. From breaking free of unhealthy patterns to learning how to pray for your spouse, this conversation will encourage you to invite Jesus into the heart of your home.

To read the blog post for this episode clip here:  From Drama to Peace: Building a Christ-Centered Marriage

I've created this free resource just for you:  7 Powerful Prayers to Pray Over Your Husband

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome and Introduction
• 2:58 Growing Up With Drama
• 4:42 Breaking the Cycle of Drama
• 7:24 Marriage as a Blessing
• 14:40 Scriptural Foundations for Marriage
• 23:02 Practical Wisdom on Date Nights
• 27:51 Final Thoughts and Prayer

Transcript

Audrey: 1:13

Hello and welcome back to Grace For my Home. I'm Audrey McCracken and I'm so glad to be back with you again this week. I hope that you're doing well this week. I want to talk with you about loving your husband well, don't you think that's a worthy goal?

Audrey: 1:31

In the world we live in, it seems like there are so many forces that try to bring division and animosity in all areas of life. It seems like so many people are not happy unless they're causing drama or causing issues. And you know, I grew up that way. I grew up with a lot of drama. I grew up in a home that there wasn't a lot of peace. It was an alcoholic home, and my parents grew up in a home like that, so they were recreating what they knew. And when I became an adult, or I started growing into an adult, though, I hated it. When I look back now I see that I started to create my own drama, and that's because home is where the heart is and you can hate something, but if it's what you're comfortable with and it's what you know, then you will continue to seek that out or create it, and I found that true in my life. It's kind of like a fish in water. You know a fish is in water but that fish does not know that he's in water because that's the world he lives in. And when we grow up in homes where there's a lot of turmoil, there's a lot of strife or fighting, you know, that's just the world we know and we think everybody lives that way. You know I did, I thought that's how everybody lived. And so when we get out into the world and we find ourselves in situations where we don't have that kind of environment, oftentimes we'll create it. And that's what I did.

Audrey: 3:12

And I remember when I started realizing, when I became a Christian and I started realizing that life doesn't have to be that way, realizing that life doesn't have to be that way, I started craving peace, like I wanted to live in a peaceful home, I wanted to raise children in a peaceful home. But there was even some doubt that even when I saw that things could be different, I had doubts that they could be different. For me, you know, it was like okay, well, other people, maybe there are some homes where people live that way, but I don't know that my home could be that way, and so drama just seemed like a natural state of life for me. But as I started seeking the Lord and as I started craving peace peace in my mind and peace in my heart and as I started craving peace peace in my mind and peace in my heart I started seeing where, you know, the Lord would put his hand on an area and say, you know, this isn't worth it, let this go. And the more I obeyed him, the more peace I would experience.

Audrey: 4:12

And you know, god is all about healing, but sometimes healing takes time. You know, I love the stories of someone who prayed and God healed them immediately. Those are wonderful stories and I believe that God does that. I believe that God does things. You know, the Bible often will use the word suddenly and suddenly. But some healing, some things that God does, he does them slowly and it's over time because he wants us to participate in the process. He doesn't want to just make everything better in our lives. He wants to show us the principles that make things better in our lives. He wants us to grow better lives and to see that it's not magic, it's the principles, it's his word, it's the things that he has set up that work and when we live in those life-giving principles, it brings life into our days, into our life. And so, as the Lord started teaching me, I so wanted that peace. I so wanted to live in a home where Christ reigned and where we loved each other and we supported each other and we believed in each other. And you know, there is no perfect family, there is no perfect home. You know, we are all sinful people living in a sinful world, but we who are Christians and we have Jesus living inside of us I do believe that we can go from glory to glory. I do believe that things can get better.

Audrey: 5:44

And when I first got married, I remember my husband also came from a home where there was a lot of drama. He came from an alcoholic home as well, but he had been a Christian longer than me and you know I had prayed before I ever met my husband. I'd prayed that the Lord would bring somebody into my life that was spiritually mature, maybe more mature than me. And God did that. Michael was definitely more mature than me when we got married, even though I was older than him, and I remember after a few months of being I know it was less than a year, I don't remember exactly how long but a few months into our marriage. He said one day, can we just live? And he said that because I was constantly bringing up issues or constantly worrying about something in our relationship. You see, I so wanted to have a strong marriage, a good marriage, a good home, that I was constantly looking for issues so I could weed them out, or I could point them out or, you know, we could talk about it or deal with it and I mentioned this last week on the podcast it or deal with it, and I mentioned this last week on the podcast.

Audrey: 6:57

But if we're looking for fault, we will find it. There is enough fault around for us to find, if we purpose in our hearts to find it. Because when we have our minds set on finding fault, then that's what we're looking for. And so we're very aware of it. And that's how I was living. I was looking for the problems, I was looking for the areas where we could improve or where things just weren't as good as they should be or I thought they should be. And so when you have a mind that's looking for negativity, then you're amazed at how much it pops up.

Audrey: 7:34

And so after a few months of marriage, my husband was just tired, because I seem to always have a problem with something, or you know, I would be questioning him Well, why do you do it this way? Or what did you mean when you said that? And he was just tired and he said you know, audrey, can we just live? And I didn't even realize I was doing that and I'm glad he pointed it out Now. I wasn't too happy at the time. I'm not going to act like you know. I was like, oh, thank you, michael, I wasn't. It was kind of like an arrow in my heart. But it was a realization that I A lot of the issues I'm creating they're not issues, but I'm creating them.

Audrey: 8:20

And there's a scripture in Job, job 3.25, and it says For the thing which I greatly feared has come upon me and that which I was afraid of is coming to me. And see, I greatly feared not having a good marriage and I greatly feared not having a partner, a husband, that I was close to or that loved me or that respected me or that cared about me. I feared that so much that I was trying to do everything I could to make that never be my reality. And in concentrating on it so much, I was making that my reality. I was pushing my husband away because I was neurotic about many things and I look back now and I think he was so patient, he was so kind and he didn't know what was going on. He was a young husband as well and we were trying to figure each other out and figure out this marriage thing. We had both come from homes that were not ideal and we had decided we were going to live for Jesus and we're going to love each other. But he was very patient with me and I'm thankful. The Lord knew what he was doing when he gave me Michael, and I'm so thankful for that. Gave me Michael, and I'm so thankful for that.

Audrey: 9:42

One of the huge blessings of being married or being in a marriage relationship is that we have a partner. We get to do life with somebody, and what a wonderful privilege. Everybody doesn't have that gift. We have someone to share joy with and to share sorrow with, and to go through hard times with, and to laugh with, and to do the things that God's put us here on earth to do. So a husband is a blessing. The Bible says that he who finds a wife finds a good thing, but I think that she who finds a husband has found a good thing too.

Audrey: 10:15

But you may be saying but Audrey, you don't know my husband. You don't know my husband and maybe your husband's great, but you don't know my husband. He has a lot of problems. And I just want to tell you that my husband has a lot of problems too, and so do I. We all have problems. We are, like I said before. We're two imperfect people living in. We have sin in our hearts. We're living in the same house with and if we have kids and you have other people living in a house with sin in their heart and then we're in a sinful world trying to live for God. It's not easy. It's not easy, but it is possible. There's enough grace. There's more than enough grace for you, for your home, for your marriage, for your children, for your family. Whatever situation you find yourself in. We all have different circumstances and I want to be clear that I'm not talking about abusive relationships.

Audrey: 11:12

I know that there are a lot of unhealthy relationships out there and I'm not saying in any way trying to justify in any way abuse or situations where, if you're being abused, but what I'm talking about is just normal everyday life with someone who's not perfect and giving that person grace, because you're not perfect either. But since I have become a wife and the Lord has blessed me with a husband and since the very beginning I have wanted to be close to him and I've wanted to have the best marriage we possibly could. And I've learned a lot of things along the way, and one of the things I've learned, like I just mentioned, was that sometimes you can try too hard, you can try so hard, and I don't mean that you shouldn't try hard for your marriage, but there is grace for your home, there is grace for your marriage. You know, do all marriages work out? No, they do not. Can you try everything and try to do exactly the right things in your marriage and it still fall apart? Yes, because a marriage is a partnership and you can only do what you can do. You cannot do for the other person what they need to do.

Audrey: 12:30

And you might say well, audrey, you know these things that you're sharing today, my husband really needs to hear them. Well, I don't get a lot of husbands that listen to this podcast. I might get one or two, but the vast majority are women. And so I'm talking to you because you have an ear to hear and I want to share with you a few things that over the years, the Lord has helped me. It has helped bring more peace in my home. It has helped bring more joy in my marriage. These ideas are all from scripture, but there's just some things that I wish someone had shared with me before I was married, but I don't know that I would have listened until I really needed them. So I'm going to share them with you today, and maybe you're in a space where you could really use them right now. Maybe they will be an encouragement to you and if not, maybe later on you can come back and they will mean more then.

Audrey: 13:19

But the first thing I want to share with you is the golden rule, because the golden rule holds true in so many different relationships and it holds true in marriage. Jesus said in Matthew 7, 12, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. You know we want to treat others the way we want to be treated, and that holds true in our marriage. That will get us a long ways Just treating our husbands the way we want to be treated. We all want to be treated with respect. We all want to be given the benefit of the doubt, we all want to be loved and treated with kindness, and you know we want people to listen. We want people to have grace with us when we've had a bad day and we're grumpy. You know we want those things, and so we have to remember that we have to also give those things, and I think the golden rule is a great place to start when it comes to building a stronger marriage. How do I want my husband to treat me? Then treat him that way.

Audrey: 14:23

Also, genesis 2.24. Let me read that for you. I love Genesis 2.24 because it goes back to the very beginning. You know, what did God have in mind before the fall of man? You know, what did God have in mind before the fall of man? What was his original design, his original intention when it came to marriage? And it says in Genesis 2, 24, and we know that he wasn't talking to just Adam and Eve, because they didn't have a mother and a father, they didn't have parents. God was their parent, and so this was something that was written down for us, for those who would come after. And it says when a man finds a wife, then he will leave his home, he will leave his father and mother and he will cleave to her.

Audrey: 15:18

See, when we come into marriage, our mate, our husband, our wife becomes the most important person in our life. That's our new family. We have created a new family unit and that person not only is important to us, but we become one with that person. We become united with that person. We are to be so close that we are to become one, and I love that because it uses the word become. You know, and become isn't like an instant thing. It is becoming. Michael and I are still becoming, we're becoming one, and it's hard work and it doesn't always feel good. But when you look back and you see the distance you've come and you see the progress you made, you think this was worth it. You know, all of this time, all of this work, all of this energy, I'm so glad that that God put us together and I'm so glad that we held on through times when it was really hard. You know, I can see where we have become closer and we've become one more and more through the years.

Audrey: 16:24

The next scripture I want to share with you is 1 Corinthians 13, and that's the love chapter and then, starting in verse four, it says love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth, in that beautiful. When you think of that in terms of marriage, we can be that person for each other. We can be patient, we can be kind. We don't have to envy or boast or be proud. We can be ourselves for each other. We can be patient, we can be kind. We don't have to envy or boast or be proud. We can be ourselves with each other. You know, do not dishonor, it's not. Don't seek just for yourself, don't be easily angered, don't keep record of wrongs. That's a big one. That is a big one especially in the terms in terms of marriage. But don't delight in evil. Rejoice in the truth, rejoice in what is right and always protect each other, always trust, always hope, always persevere. That is such a good word for marriage.

Audrey: 17:40

The next one I want to share with you is Ephesians 4, 2 through 3. Ephesians 4, 2 through 3 says be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace. And that's what I so craved when I first got married. I craved the bond of peace. I craved to live in a home where we were on each other's side and we weren't fighting and we weren't arguing. I craved that, to have a common vision and to love each other well. And so I love the way this says be gentle and humble and patient. Bear with one another in love. You know, don't give up on each other. Give yourself grace and give him grace.

Audrey: 18:30

The next one I want to share is 1 Peter 4, 8. It says, above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins. You know, when we put love first, then we will overlook a lot of things, a lot of hurts, instead of keeping a record of those hurts. We will overlook a lot of things, a lot of hurts, instead of keeping a record of those hurts. We will forgive and we will move on. Love covers a multitude of sins, ours and theirs.

Audrey: 18:58

1 Thessalonians 5.11 says Therefore encourage one another and build each other up just as, in fact, you are doing another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. Determine in your heart that you're going to build your husband up. I'm not talking about false praise. I'm not talking about saying things that you don't mean or that are insincere, just to say that you built your husband up. I'm saying tell him the truth. You can always tell him the truth, you don't have to make up stuff. But I know that there are things that you love about your husband. You wouldn't have married him if there wasn't something about him that you love, that you respected, that you liked. Go back and remember those things and encourage him in those things. You know he needs encouragement too A lot of times. I don't know your husband, I know my husband, and my husband often will act like he's fine. You know he doesn't need encouragement, but he does. But they need encouragement too.

Audrey: 20:02

The last scripture that I want to share is James 5, 16. And it says therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. Your husband needs your prayers. He may not ask you for prayer, he may not act like he needs prayer, but he needs your prayers. You know, just like us, he's facing things every day. He's trying to tear down his faith and his confidence, you know, and trying to make him think that you know, maybe unity isn't possible, maybe love isn't possible in this world, and we can help. We can help to build a shield of faith around our husband, around our children. And prayer is so powerful, it changes things, it says right here the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective, and so I encourage you to pray for your husband.

Audrey: 21:00

A few months ago, I put together seven prayers, prayers that I've prayed over my husband and that I still continue to pray today, and I'll link that in the show notes in case that would be a help to you, and I hope that it is. But go to the show notes if you're interested in that and I'll put a link there. But I hope that these scriptures today have been helpful for you. These are not the typical marriage scriptures, right, these are not the ones we usually go to when we talk about marriage, but I have found these to be helpful in my marriage to remind me that my husband is my husband, but he's also a person and that, just like me, he struggles and that he needs my prayers, he needs my support, he needs my love, he needs my friendship. And when I remember why we married and I remember that marriage is a good thing and that God has helped us find peace in our marriage.

Audrey: 21:52

Yes, we have areas where we disagree and we have seasons where I don't feel as close to Him as I want to, but that's normal. And I think when we first got married I didn't realize that was normal. So when we went through those seasons I thought, oh, you know, my marriage is not going to be strong, I'm not going to have that marriage that I so want, and that fear would creep in, that it's going to be like when I was growing up and we weren't stable and I had that fear. Oh, we're going to be that kind of home and I've learned over the years we're not. But it's normal for life to ebb and flow. It's normal for us to draw apart for seasons while we're working on different projects, but then to come back together and then I have a lot of free agency in that.

Audrey: 22:39

You know one of the things and I'll share this quickly I remember when we first got married, we listened to some wonderful messages on marriage and they were terrific. One of the suggestions was to have a weekly date night and I so wanted to do that because to me, going on a date, taking time just for me and him, spending time together, working on our marriage, that just was like the epitome of I'm important to him and that was important to me and I so wanted us to establish that weekly date night and we did for a while. But, you know, as kids come and he was a pastor and a high school principal for many years I was homeschooling and doing things in my church and then starting a coffee shop. You know, guys, life gets so busy that that is just not a realistic thing, expectation. And I remember a season when we were homeschooling it was before the coffee shop and I remember a season when I was so frustrated because our date nights had just gone away. I felt like I was in the big ocean just trying to doggy paddle, trying to keep everything together, and it felt like our marriage was on the back burner and he had a lot on him and I had a lot on me. And I remember feeling so sad that you know, something is wrong with our marriage because we're not spending time just me and him.

Audrey: 24:10

And I went to a forum that I would go to, a homeschool mom forum, where you know we would ask questions about curriculum and different things, but occasionally we would talk about marriage and questions about curriculum and different things, but occasionally we would talk about marriage and home and those kind of things and I remember asking do y'all have a regular date night with your husband? How do you feel when you don't spend a lot of time with him? And one mom who had been homeschooling a lot longer than me she had a lot of wisdom, she said something, something and it really helped me. She said I enjoy those things, but I'm not going to set up a law where if we can't meet that standard, then I think something's wrong with my home or my husband or my marriage, because that's just one more thing to beat myself with and I don't want one more arbitrary standard that I have to meet up to or we're failing. And that was helpful for me. You know we can have goals, we can have plans and I think that's good. I think it's good to have boundaries in your marriage and goals in your marriage things you want to make sure you make a priority, but during seasons, when those things are not realistic. Don't beat yourself up and don't beat him up. Just when things change, when you turn the corner, just go back to those things.

Audrey: 25:28

You know, even now, sometimes I have to go to my husband and say, hey, I need this, you don't need this. Maybe you don't need a date night, maybe you don't need time, just me and you. But I need that and we'll make it happen. Sometimes I even have to find some. When the kids were younger, I'd have to find somebody to keep the kids. But see, I wanted him to do that To me. That was love To me. He was loving me by doing all of the planning, all of the work. That was his way of saying I love you, I want to spend time with you. But as I grew and I saw that this is really more of a need that I have than he has, then it caused me to say I will make this happen and I will not judge him for not making it happen. You know, I'm not going to set him up to fail. I'm going to set him up to succeed, because the whole point is that we grow closer. The whole point is that we enjoy each other. And so, as we grow, as we mature, we learn to have grace with each other.

Audrey: 26:25

So, before we go, I want to pray with you, but I also want to encourage you, reach out. If you have any questions for me, any suggestions for things you'd like me to touch on in podcast episodes or blog posts, I would so love to hear from you. You can send me an email, a text, a DM. I'd like me to touch on in podcast episodes or blog posts. I would so love to hear from you. You can send me an email, a text, a DM. I'd so love to hear from you. But before you go, let's pray.

Audrey: 26:46

Father, in Jesus' name, I come to you and I pray, god, for these who are listening today. I ask you to move in their homes and move in their hearts and move in their lives. I ask you to give them, lord, the wisdom that they need and that they so desire. I ask you, lord, god, to wrap your arms around them this week and to show them things in your word that they've never seen before. And, lord, that you would feed them, lord, with your good fruit, lord, with your word, and Lord, I pray that you would feed them fresh bread and I just thank you for them, lord, and I pray that we would all grow in grace. In Jesus' name, we pray Amen.